Popular Jokes
How can you use a banana as a compass? Place a banana on the Berlin Wall. East is where a bite has been taken out of it.
After performing a marriage the rabbi gave some advice to the newlyweds: "The first ten years are always the hardest," said the rabbi.
"How many years have you been married?" they asked. "Ten years," the rabbi replied.
Some provincial man has come to Rome, and walking on the streets was drawing everyone's attention, being a real double of the emperor Augustus. The emperor, having brought him to the palace, looks at him and then asks:
-Tell me, young man, did your mother come to Rome anytime?
The reply was:
-She never has. But my father frequently was here.
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken's feet.
An elderly couple was sitting on their front porch one day when the husband said: "Whenever I get at mad at you, you never seem to get upset. How do you manage to control your temper?"
"I just go and clean the toilet," his wife replied.
"How does that help?" asked her husband.
"I use your toothbrush."
Did you hear about the blonde that...
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
Have you heard about the sauna that serves food?
Their specialty is steamed mussels.
Ok, 3 canadians were walking along the beach, one from the Yukon, one from Quebec, and one from Newfoundland. Now, it happened that they found a magic lamp. After rubbing it, the genie promised each of them one wish. The Yukon said, "I wish for fish teeming in our waters for a million years." The genie snapped his fingers and said, "Done."
The Yukon man went off to go fish. Now the Quebec man said, "Being as the Quebecois's (is that right?) are a superior race, I want a wall a mile high and a mile thick all the way around Quebec so no one can get in, and no one can get out.
So the genie snapped his fingers, and transported the Quebecois to Quebec so there were no problems.
The Newfie step
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