Liberals want to solve the marijuana problem by making it legal. Conservatives want to solve the wife-beating problem by making it legal. Liberals want to strike down all abortion laws, so that unwanted babies can be killed off before they're born. Conservatives want to strike down the welfare laws, so that unwanted babies can be starved to death after they're born. The conservative would prevent rape by locking up his wife and daughters. The liberal would prevent rape by legalizing prostitution. Neither considers locking up rapists, because the liberal says it's society's fault and the conservative says it costs too much money.

An old country boy pulls up to a bait shop with a stringer full of fish. A man, noticing the stringer, asks him where he caught all the fish. He said he was going fishing again, tomorrow, and if the guy wanted to come with him he'd show him where he caught the fish. The next morning the two men meet at the bait shop and head out for the lake. They row out to the middle of the water and the good ole boy pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it in the water. All kinds of fish float to the surface and he starts pulling them in the boat. His buddy is shocked! He says, "You know, what you're doing is not only improper but highly illegal. I just want you to know you could rece

Some fun things to do the next time you're on one of those long international flights to kill time... Pinch the stewardess' butt as she passes. When two people kiss in the in flight movie, belch real loud. When there's any nudity, hoot really loudly for a few minutes. Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it. Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar. Hijack the cockpit and, over the loudspeaker, announce that the first class passengers and luggage are to switch places. Run down the aisle screaming, "He's got a bomb! He's got a bomb!" Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed. "

Knock Knock Who's there? Snowflake. Snowflake who? There's snowflake like home!

Man: How many asian people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Asian Man: Whats a lightbulb?

Where does a Dog go when he loses his tail? Answer: A retailer

What is the medical term for a woman getting a sex change? An adadictomy (add-a-dick-to-me)

Sam: "Cas, phone for you!" Cas: "Okay, thanks, Sam." --BEEP OF PHONE BEING TURNED ON-- "Hello? Oh, hi...." --AFTER PHONE CONVERSATION-- Sam: "So, who was it?" Cas: "Heather." Sam: "What did she want?" Cas: "Our phone number."

You are a redneck if: Your mother has ammo on her Christmas list!

The funniest bumper sticker is: Keep honking I'm reloading!

You should have no doubt in your mind that you are in a redneck family..... When your uncle drunkenly approaches you, slaps you on the back, grabs your face and murmurs "Heaeh kiiiiiiid, I think it's a good thing I used a condum. And walks off slowy, mumbling. "Cause your mamoo gets realy piiist when she's pregnant........" And in disbelief, you look around to find your mom.

Tom: I've got a great knock-knock joke. Bill: Ok, let's hear it. Tom: You start. Bill: Knock-knock. Tom: Who's there? Bill: ???????????? (dumbfounded)