Popular Jokes
There was a boy who never, ever lied. He always told people the truth and/or his opinion. Like when he broke a glass vase, he said that he broke it. He was rewarded a few days later for telling the truth, even though he was grounded.
One day a lady asked him, "What do you think of my dress? It cost me thousands of dollars."
The boy replied, "That is the most stupid dress I have ever seen in my life, and will haunt me in my afterlife! It's more terrible than a fifty-year old swine that was drowned in mud when it was three! I think you should go back to the garbage disposal and feed it to a goat!" He said all that truthfully.
After he said that, the lady called 911 and he went to juvenile h
Two Rabbis argued late into the night about the existence of God, and, using strong arguments from the scriptures, ended up indisputably disproving His existence. The next day, one Rabbi was surprised to see the other walking into the Shul for morning services.
"I thought we had agreed there was no God", he said.
"Yes, what does that have to do with it?" replied the other.
Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Aunt. Aunt who? Aren't you glad you got rid of all those grannies?
What's the difference between a water bottle and puberty?
The water bottle hit Justin Bieber first.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went...
then it dawned on me.
Reading a book on levitation...
couldn't put it down.
I should have been sad when I lost my flashlight...
but I was de-lighted.
I was wondering why the frisbee got bigger as it got closer to me...
then it hit me.
I gave away dead batteries... free of charge!
I had amnesia once... maybe twice.
See more: http://punraccoon.tumblr.com/
33% of men use their left hand to pee. 67% of men use their right hand. 89% wanted to know why I'm watching them pee.
Have you heard about the sauna that serves food?
Their specialty is steamed mussels.
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