Minners - Live bait. Misrus - Married woman. Nar - Opposite of wide. Nayk - Your head sets on it. Nup – No. Orrel - Them hinges need orrel. Ormy - What the sojers go in. Pank - A light red color. Parch - Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow. Petition - What separate the rooms. Poke - A paper bag or sack. Pokey - What the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in. Salit - A green vegetable. Puppet - What the preacher is in. Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher. Purt near - Almost; he purt near caught that greased pig. Rang - You wear it on your fanger. Rut - That there tree sure has long ruts. Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town.

A couple enjoyed getting away from their high-stress jobs by spending weekends in their motor home, but their peace and quiet was often disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers. Finally, they found a way to assure themselves privacy. They painted a sign near their RV's door: "Ask us about our Whole Life policies!"

A father in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light, where it wasn't allowed. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" he said. "That's OK, Dad," his son replied. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."

We regret to inform you, but by opening this email, you have just received the 'Idiot Computer Virus'. Since our staff does not have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all files from your hard drive immediately, then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank You

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

When a man wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince him.

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness" Why do they say that? I looked it up in the dictionary, "goggles" is next to "godliness"; cleanliness is next to claustrophobia.

Just when you find something you really like, they stop making it.

One day a man having conversation with God, when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there was only one set of footprints. He asked God, "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life?" God replied, "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you. You see only one set of footprints because, during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you."

After failing his "Logistics and Organization" exam, a student confronted his professor. "Sir, do you understand anything about this subject?" "Of course, otherwise I would not be a professor!" "Really? Then allow me to ask you one question. If you answer it correctly, I'll accept my failing grade and leave quietly, but if you don't know the answer, I want an 'A' on my exam." "Okay, it's a deal. What's your question?" "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?" After long consideration, the professor conceded and changed the student's score to an "A." Afterwards, the professor asked one of his best students the same question. The good studen

Things to do at a McDonalds drive thru! 1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside. 2. Drive through backwards. 3. Belch your order. 4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume. 5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac. 6. Walk through. 7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you. 8. Repeat everything the order-taker says. 9. Attempt to ta

There was a really dramatic woman and a small man. The small man worked at a ballroom. The woman got dressed up all fancy and went to the ballroom. She went up to the man and said, "I hope there is something between us! And the little man said, "Me too! A continent!"