Popular Jokes
The sheriff of a small western town was also the town veterinarian. Late one night the phone rang, and his wife answered it.
"Is your husband there?" asked an agitated voice.
"Do you require my husband's services as a sheriff or as a veterinarian?" She asked.
"Both," came the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.
He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got a phone in my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls looked over and said snobbishly, "Yes, I have a phone."
The driver of the Yugo said, "Cool! Hey, you also got a fridge in there, too? I've got one in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, much annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Yugo said, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!"
The driver of the Rolls, quite irritated by now, replied
One day, three friends met at an inn after not seeig each other for a very long time. They chatted for an hour or so, and then the topic turned to their wives.
A: You know, something strange happened during my wife's delivery. She was reading a book called "The Two Brothers" before her delivery and she gave birth to 'two' children ! Isn't that strange?"
B: Yeah, but you want to know something stranger ? A similar thing happened to my wife, when she was pregnant ! She was reading the book "Amar, Akbar and Antony", and she gave birth to 'three children' !!!"
On hearing this, the third person C, took to his heels and started running. The other two were puzzled but they ran after C and caught
A teacher asked his student:
Give me an example of 6 animals.
The student:
3 Lions, 2 Tigers , and 1 Cheetah !
There are two fat guys in a bar, one of the guys, puts his empty glass on the bar and says, "your round", the other guy says, "so are you, you fat basted!"
You Just Might Be A Redneck If...
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'
You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
One of your kids was born on a
The Russians were called "Reds," a long while ago.
So a war general named Rudolf walks into a bakery. The baker starts talking about owning a reindeer. He starts asking questions about it to the general. When the baker gets home, he tells his wife, "Rudolf the Red knows reindeer!"
If you invited all the alphabet to tea who would be late?
The letters 'UVWXYZ' because they all come after 'T'.
George Bush senior and junior were dragging the deer they had just shot back to their truck. Another hunter approached, pulling his along, too.
"Sirs, I don't want to tell you how to do something," he said, "but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer the other way, then the antlers won't drag on the ground."
After the other hunter left, they decided to try it. A little while later, George junior said to George senior, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah," said George senior, "but we're getting farther from the truck."
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