What happens when you give a politician viagra? He gets taller.

A college student walks down the road when he sees a beggar on the side of the street. College Student (C) : Hey mister! whatsup! Beggar (B) : Yea how you doin'... C: So, how long have you've been a beggar? B: It's about eight years now kid.. C: WOW! Thats long time.. how much do you get per day? B: Not that bad... about 250 bucks a day... C: That's enermous! B: Yeah.. Enough for living my family.. C: Owch.. you got family too! Where are they now? B: My wife's dead. I got three children, one of them in Harvard University, one in MIT, and the other one went oversea, he goes to Oxford University... C: *pause, surprised* That's..that's really great... So, when they're gonna be graduated? B: No

If you have more pets than relatives you just might be a redneck.

Yo momma is so hunchbacked, she has to wear safety goggles when she pees.

Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip one priest says, "Well, we've worked together for many years now, but we don't really know each other. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins to get better acquainted." They look nervously at one another, but agree. The first priest says, "Since it was my idea, I'll go first. With me, it's the drink. Once a year, I take off my collar and go out of town to a pub and drink myself senseless for a few days; get it out of my system." They look at one another again, and eventually the next priest stands up. "Well, with me it's gambling. Every now and then, I nick some money from the poor box

Abortion - Near Life Experience Bald - Follically liberated Blind - Photonically non-receptive Bum - Displaced homeowner Cannibalism - Intra-Species dining Censorship - Selective speech Cheating (Marriage) - Post-Marital Affairs Cheating (School) - Academic Dishonesty Clumsy - Uniquely coordinated Corpse - Permanently static post-human mass Cowboys - Bovine control officers Crime Rate - Street activity index Dead - Living impaired Deaf - Visually oriented Delicatessen - Corpse Farm Dish Washer - Utensil Sanitizer Fat - Person of substance Gas Station Attendant - Petroleum Transfer Technician Hunter - Meat Mercenary Idiot - Factually Unencumbered Insane Person - Selectively Perceptive Midget

Minners - Live bait. Misrus - Married woman. Nar - Opposite of wide. Nayk - Your head sets on it. Nup – No. Orrel - Them hinges need orrel. Ormy - What the sojers go in. Pank - A light red color. Parch - Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow. Petition - What separate the rooms. Poke - A paper bag or sack. Pokey - What the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in. Salit - A green vegetable. Puppet - What the preacher is in. Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher. Purt near - Almost; he purt near caught that greased pig. Rang - You wear it on your fanger. Rut - That there tree sure has long ruts. Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town.

Professionals built the Titanic. An amateur built the ark.

Hey, did you hear about the... Paper company that folded? Brake company on the skids? Bra manufacturers that went bust? Surgeon who was forced to take a cut in his salary? Cigarette company that went up in smoke? Baker who was short of dough? Refrigerator manufacturer that had its assets frozen? Corset firm that felt the squeeze? Upholsterers that couldn't cover their costs? Adhesive tape company that got into a sticky situation? Tennis ball manufacturer that ended up in court? Downfall of the bungee suppliers? The train company that went off the rails? The ship building company that sunk? The dental practice that was rotten to its roots?

Who is the ugliest member of wocka? [Name Removed - This joke offends some users - Joke awaiting deletion]

Yo Momma smells so bad that she made an onion cry!

How many elves does it take to change a light bulb? Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to give him a boost.