A blond named Pam is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars. If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?" Pam: "Yes." Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush." Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol." Carol (also a blond) answers the phone: "Hello?" Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar que

I play in the low 80's. If it is hotter than that, I won't play.

A Hindu devotee asked God, represented by the multi-armed Lord Narayana, this question. "My dear Lord," he said. "I understand that you have innumerable inconceivable potencies, but out of all of them the energy of light seems to be the most amazing. Light pervades the spiritual world, it illuminates the material universes, and life is impossible without it." He continued, "I would like to know how you make it work." "Oh, that's easy," was the reply. "Many hands make light work."

Just in case you've had a rough day at work, here's a technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts. 1. Picture yourself near a stream. 2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air. 3. No one but you knows your secret place. 4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world." 5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 6. The water is crystal clear. 7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater...your boss...

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too. Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside. Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

On the appointed day, St. Peter escorted John to the Holy Mother's sanctuary. John went before Her, knelt, and said: "Holy Mother, I've always looked to You for guidance, and You have granted me peace and serenity through some difficult times. But I have one question that has nagged me during my whole time on earth. In all the paintings that were done of you, and in all the sculptures that were carved of you, you always looked so sad. Why is that?" Mary thought for a moment, pursing her lips. She said: "I always wanted a girl."

A girl went to a dentist to have her teeth filled. The dentist asked, "What kind of fillings do you want? White or silver?" The girl replied, "Chocolate fillings."

I slide to first. I feel like I'm going to burst. Diarrhea, diarrhea. I slide to two. My pants are filled with goo. Diarrhea, diarrhea. I slide to third. I dropped a runny turd. Diarrhea, diarrhea. I slide to home. My pants are filled with foam. Diarrhea, diarrhea. First its in the pants, then its on the floor. I make a 20 yard dash to the bathroom door. Some people think its funny. Its coming out back runny. Well, diarrhea.

A nurse dies and goes to heaven. She is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter who asks her questions about her life. Over St. Peter's shoulder the nurse spots a man in a white coat sitting on a cloud with a stethoscope around his neck. "Oh brother!" she cries. "Is that a doctor?" St Peter glances over his shoulder and says, "No, that's God. He just thinks he's a doctor."

1. Staff physicians include Dr. Who, Dr. Kevorkian, and Dr. Demento. 2. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle. 3. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. 4. With your last HMO, your birth control pills didn't come in different colors with little "M's" on them. 5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 6. Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park." 7. Your kidney transplant surgery is held up while your surgeon awaits his arrangement for grave robbing. 8. The only expense covered 100% is embalming. 9. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter. 10. Only item listed under

Yo momma's so tall, she did a cartwheel and hit Jesus.

There were 3 ants in a house. They all had to decide where they wanted to sleep. One ant decides to sleep in the cabinet, one in the cookie jar, and one in the toilet. The next morning they all woke up and meet on the stove top to ask each other how their sleep was. The one who slept in the cabinet said his was hot. The one who slept in the cookie jar said his was sweet! The one that slept in the toilet said that " First it got dark, then it rained, a big gust of wind came, and if it wasn't for that big log.....I would have drowned!!!"