Popular Jokes
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
You might be a redneck if you've ever bought a birthday present out of a vending machine.
I don't believe in reincarnation, which is strange, because in a previous existence, I did.
It must suck being a penis because-
1. Your best friends are nuts
2. Your closest neighbour is an asshole
3. You vomit when you're excited
4. Your owner abuses you
And if you're in the mood-
5. You work double-duty on Tuesday.
I heard some guys talking about you yesterday. One said that you weren't fit to sleep with pigs, but I stuck up for you; I said you were!
Two prostitutes moved to a new town, and on their first Sunday, went to church.
One of the girls was quite proud of her singing; the other felt she couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, so was quiet.
After one desultory hymn, the priest berated the congregation, "Quite clearly, there are some who are singing, and some who are not. Can we please have a more concerted effort for the other hymns?"
One whisper to her friend, "My word, how did he know about us so quickly?"
I lent a friend of mine $5000 for plastic surgery.
I can't get it back, because now I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!
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