Popular Jokes
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school to talk about the world. After hertalk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.
"Billy," the lad replies.
"And what is your question, Billy?" asks the Senator.
I actually have three questions. First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second -why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were w
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
A man took a walk along a railroad track. Not paying attention, he got his foot stuck in a gap in the rails. Just then the whistle of the 10 a.m. train sounded in in the distance.
He tried frantically to free himself, but to no avail. Looking up he prayed, "God, please get me free!" The Whistle sounded, again he pulled, no movement. "God! If you get my foot out I will stop smoking." The whistle sounded closer. Still pulling, he only seemed to get more stuck. "God! If you get my foot out I will stop smoking and drinking." Looking up he could now see the train engineer in the window of the engine. His foot still would not move. "God!!! If you get my foot out I will stop, smoking drinking
One day, a grieving relative came to a grave yard to talk to the grave digger.
The woman said to him "I am very poor, and I don't know how I can pay for my husband to be buried!"
The grave digger replied "No problem, I have ways for you to save money while having your husband buried."
"How?" The woman asked.
"It's very simple," the grave digger replied. "To save money on the coffin, all you do is put your husband's body in a large plastic bag, instead of a coffin. To save money on space of the burial, bury your husband standing up instead of laying down. To save money on the headstone, all you need to do to identify your husband is to bury only half of his body and leave his head and
A Duke is hunting in a forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he comes upon a tree. Archery targets are painted all over it, and smack in the middle of each is an arrow.
"Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cries the Duke. "I must find him."
After continuing through the forest for a few miles, he comes across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admits that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.
"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asks the Duke worriedly.
"No my lord. I shot them from 100 paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy."
"That is truly astonishing," says the Duke
A woman, calling a local hospital, said, "Hello, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I'd like to find out if the patient is getting better, or doing as expected, or is getting worse". The voice on the other end of the line said, "What is the patient's name and room number?" She said, "Sarah Finkel, in Room 302." "I will connect you with the nursing station."
"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?"
"I would like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in Room 302."
"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, her blood work just came back a
A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His
mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on h
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