What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? WELL HUNG

You are a redneck if: Your shotgun is named after your girlfriend.

You are a redneck if: You've ever bought steel-toed boots, only to remove the steel to patch a hole in your trailer.

You are a redneck if: you've ever gotten a headache reading the newspaper.

Knock-Knock. Who's there? Accordion. Accordion who? Accordion to the t.v., it's going to be cold out.

One blond to another: "The electicity break down was terrible. I was stuck in the lift for 2 hours." The other blond: "That's nothing, I stood on the elevator for 6 hours!!!

Yo momma is so fat and dumb, she used Antarctica as a popsicle!

yo momma is so old --- she knew Burger King when he was a prince! yo momma is so poor --- I saw her banging on the dumpster and I asked her what she was doing and she said "My kids locked me out!"

Yo momma's so fat she stood on a talking scale and it said, "1,2,3 GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!!!!!!!"

The cat was chasing the rooster around on the farm, then the cat fell in the water and the rooster laughed. Lesson: For every wet pussy there is a happy cock

How do we look at a calendar to find what date it is, when we don't know the date?

1) How does a blonde kill a fish? She drowns it! 2) How does a blonde kill a bird? She throws it off a cliff! 3) How does a blonde lose 5 pounds? She takes off her make up! 4) Why does a blonde wash her hair in the sink? Because thats where you wash vegetables! 5) What did the blonde think of her new computer? She couldn't get channel 9!