Popular Jokes
1. knock knock,
who's there?
Ima,
Ima who?
Ima hungry can we eat yet?
2. knock knock,
who's there?
peas,
peas who?
peas can we start know
3. knock knock,
who's there?
phil,
phil who?
phil my cup up with water please
If he concentrates on the bottle because it says, "from concentrate!"
15 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex
1. You can GET chocolate.
2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
3. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
5. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
6. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
7. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
8. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.
9. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
10. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
11. You can have chocolate
Holiday Banana Bread:
Ingredients: 2 laughing eyes, 2 loving arms, 2 well shaped legs, 2 firm milk containers, 1 fur-lined mixing bowl, 1 large banana
Instructions: 1 - look into laughing eyes and hold loving arms.
2 - Spread well shaped legs slowly.
3 - Squeeze & massage milk containers until the fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased - check with middle finger.
4 - Add banana, work up and down until well creamed.
5 - Lower nuts and sigh with relief. When banana is soft, bread is done!
6 - Be sure to wash mixing utensils, but "do not lick the bowl." NOTE: If bread rises, leave town.
Here is a collection of freshman history bloopers collected by a Canadian history professor (Anders Henrickson) over the years.
During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged. Church and state were cooperatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords and surfs. It is unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid out on a table before us, ready for dissection.
After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeoed into Europe, merchants appeared. Some were sitters and some were drifters. They roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organized big fairies in the countryside.
Mideval people were violent. Murder during this Period was nothing. Everybody killed someon
Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!
Q: Why do t
There are three men a plane; an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman.
When each of them flew over their country they dropped an item.
When the plane flew over England, the Englishman dropped a rose; when the plane flew over Scotland, the Scotsman dropped a thistle, and finally, when the plane flew over Ireland, the Irishman dropped a bomb.(Yes, Irishmen are crazy!)
They then flew over all the countries again, but passing by where they dropped the items.
In England the rose had dropped in a bus station and a woman was weeping.
They asked, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said in reply, "Well, the Lord sent me a rose but I'm allergic to them."
Next, they journeyed over to Scotland. In Sc
Do you know what to say when someone is trying to roast you?
"Sorry, but my brain doesn't interpret stupid."
- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.
- Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.
- Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.
- All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.
- Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue.
- Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco.
- A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
- Contralto is a low sort of mus
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