Popular Jokes
This is a list of what I have learned so far in my life:
1.) Always smile. It makes adults wonder what you're up to.
2.) Golf is no longer a rich man's sport. There are millions of poor players.
3.) If at first you DO succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
4.) It takes a thousand nuts and bolts to put a car together, yet just one nut to scatter it all over the road.
5.) NEVER play leapfrog with a unicorn.
6.) NEVER ask your dad to help you with your math homework, unless you want a 4-hour lecture.
7.) When things look black, send them to the laundry.
8.) Be tolerant of those who disagree with you. After all, they're entitled to their stupid opinions!
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"
A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals."
The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be sugar?"
The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed, and a jackass to pay for all of it."
The teacher fainted.
"Doctor, Doctor! My friend has only 59 seconds to live."
"Don't worry, I'll be there in a minute."
Once in medieval times...there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "Weapon".
The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played appropriate music.
Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners... an
One dog said to her pups, "Don't ever bite the hand that feeds you. Any other hand is ok, though."
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik ent
A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old."
The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"
She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."
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