Your mama is so fat, a giant mistook her for a bowling ball!

Why do Chickens have no breast? Cause the Rooster has no hands!

The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. "Well, we're a mighty crowded, since there's already someone in the spare room" replied the farmer. "But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher." "Look," said the tourist, "I want you to know I'm a gentleman." "Well," mused the farmer, "as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher."

Knock-Knock. Who's there? Yoo who? No thanks.

What do you call it when someone farts in a gay bar? A love call.

"Do you know that your dog bit my mother-in-law yesterday?" "Is that so? Well, I suppose you'll sue me for damages?" "Not at all. What'll you take for the dog?"

Why did the chicken cross the road? Why do you care?

Why doesn't the glue inside the bottle dry?

Knock Knock Who's there? Acid! Acid who? Acid down and be quiet!

When I walk the dogs, I take a handful of black plastic bags, since the local council requires us to 'clear up after our dogs' or face a stiff fine. This being the wild blackberry season, I use a spare (clean!) one to hold the blackberries I pick on the way. Coming off the hill, I passed an American visitor, who said something, looking at the bulging bag. "I'm taking them home for supper - they're delicious with cream," I said. She turned white. Some minutes later I worked out that she had said that the dog-waste bin was just round the corner. If I see her again, I must invite her to supper.

Q: What's the worst time to be a rat or a mouse? A: When it's raining cats and dogs!

Knock-Knock, Who's there? Alarm. Alarm who? Alarm the cops about all the partying I've been having!!