Popular Jokes
A cannibal went to a brain store one day because he was craving brains. he decided he wanted to try a musician's brains to see if they taste any different.
He looked around and saw the prices.
Trumpet Brains-$25.00/pound
Trombone Brains-$1.00/pound
Percussion Brains- 10.00/pound
Tuba Brains-$0.50/pound
Colorguard Brains-$0.25/pound
Clairinet Brains-$1000.00/pound
Flute Brains-$0.50/pound
So the cannibal turned and saw a man that worked there. He said to the guy:
"Why are the clarinet brains so expensive?"
The man replied "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CLAIRINET PLAYERS YOU HAVE TO KILL TO GET ONE POUND OF BRAINS?"
DOS Beer
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
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Mac Beer
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the ca
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:
"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"
One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"
When you marry, your spouse's family become "in-laws." So, when you divorce, does that make them "outlaws?"
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."
A huge black man entered in a bar with a huge and colorful parrot on his shoulder. The bartender was amazed, so he asked "Where did you get that thing?"
Then the parrot said, "Well they're walking all over Africa..."
The recent hurricane and gasoline issues helped prove existence of a new element. In early October [2005] a major research institution announced discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Government."
Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons. Since Gv has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Gv ca
US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman."
After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."
The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"
The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."
Yo momma's so fat, when she tried to hijack a plane she couldn't fit through the door.
Yo momma's so stupid that when she tried to hijack a plane, she killed the driver, put it on auto pilot, and let it fly her straight into an army camp. The soldiers on the plane were laughing their testicles off.
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