Popular Jokes
Yo Momma is so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "Okay!"
A policeman was on duty when he got a complaint, so he went to go check it out. The complaint was that a sport car had not moved from a corner and was holding up traffic. When he got there, he went to the car and asked the blonde lady in it why she was holding up traffic and not going. She responded well the sign told me to stop but it doesn't want to let me go.
Once in medieval times...there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest of who at the court had the mightiest "Weapon".
The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... he pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners...and the band played appropriate music.
Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose.
The crowds cheered...the women swooned...the children waved multi-colored banners... an
I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
Do you think my hair is too big?
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
The tires on that truck are too big.
I've got it all on a floppy disk.
Do you think this baseball cap goes with this shirt?
Damned if that politician ain't honest!
We're vegetarians. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
You can't feed that to the dog.
Trim the fat off that steak.
I just love the opera.
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
Wrasslin's fake.
There was a big moron and a little moron, sitting on a ledge. The big moron fell off. Why?
Because the little moron was a little more on.
What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a termite?
A bug that says grace before eating your house.
Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we have hot water heaters?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them
1) The couch is not mine.
2) No matter how much larger the human is, the cat still deserves half of the bed.
3) Tell those you love how much you love them but only after they feed you.
4) Its okay to be a tad overweight as long as you are still able to reach your goals(for example the windowsill).
5) Catnip actualy has a rather nice scent.
6) The printer is a valid seat.
7) All scurmishes with others can be solved by looking innocent.
8) Its okay to lose some hair,
and of course,
9) Its always nice to be with those you love,even if they do smell like dog!
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