What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

Yo momma's so tall, she did a cartwheel and hit Jesus.

Knock knock Who's there ? Scold Scold who ? Scold out here, let me in!

President Bush looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approaching him. "What is it now?" sighs the president. "It's this abortion bill," replies the aide. "What do you want to do about it?" "Go ahead and pay it," says the president.

The following event actually happened to a famous basketball coach. "When I first got a job as La Salle University's basketball coach, the phone rang and my wife told me it was Sports Illustrated. I cut myself shaving and fell down the steps in my rush to get the phone. When I got there, a voice on the other end said, 'For just 75 cents an issue...'"

There lived a Chinese and an American in a hotel. One day, the Chinese felt thirsty, so he decided to get a drink of water. So he went to the public refrigerator, took a can of coke, and drank it. Then he wanted to go pee, so he peed in the can, closed the cap, put it back in the fridge, and hid in a corner. The American came a few minutes later. He took the can, took a sip, and then the Chinese man popped out from his hiding place and said: "Me Chinese, "Me play joke, "Me go pee-pee in your coke!" *SOCK*

It was the little boy's first time on an airplane. He was so excited. When the airplane engines started, the little boy closed his eyes and counted to 100. Then he opened his eyes and peered outside. Pointing, he said to the woman next to him, "See those tiny people down there? They are just like ants!" The woman looked at what he was pointing and remarked, "They are ants. We haven't left the ground yet."

How come people are willing to get up off their butts to search the whole room for the remote, because they refuse to get up and change channels manually?

Knock knock. Who's there? No one. No one who? No one to tell you who's here!

Tyler and Katz, two judges, were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there, so instead of wasting time waiting around they decided to try each other. Motioning Tyler to the stand, Katz said, "How do you plead?" "Guilty." "That'll be fifty dollars and a warning from the court." Katz stepped down and the two judges shook hands and changed places. "How do you plead?" asked Tyler. "Guilty." Tyler reflected for a moment. "These reckless driving cases are becoming all too common of late," he pointed out. "In fact, this is the second such incident in the last quarter hour. That'll be two hundred dollars and ten days in jail."

I found this joke someplace: In middle school, I was always self-conscious about my height. Once I was asked out by a life-guard. I had never really stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's and run upstairs to let me know which shoes to wear. When doorbell rang I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go barefoot."

If your dog farts and YOU claim it... you might be a redneck.