Popular Jokes
Banta Singh got tired of being the butt of jokes, and decided to do his PhD. Banta was looking out for a unique subject to write his thesis when he saw a cockroach. Banta placed the cockroach on the table and cuts one of its leg. Then he said "Walk". The cockroach moves forward. Then Banta cut its second leg and commanded "Walk". The cockroach manages to moves forward. Then Banta cut its third leg and commanded "Walk". The cockroach manages to wriggle forward on one leg. Finally Banta cut its fourth leg and said "Walk". The poor cockroach could not move and lay helplessly on the table. He repeats the same with over 1000 cockroaches. He finds that the results in all his experiments match. Ban
BOB: Hey, I ran into George the other day.
JOE: Oh, really? Was he happy to see you?
BOB: Well, we were in our cars at the time...
It was Superbowl Sunday for the animals, and the Elephants were playing the Cows. The whole first half of the game, the Elephants got their butts whipped. The cows were winning by a mile. By halftime, the Elephants were about ready to give up. But at the start of the second half, a new player ran on to the field. It was a Centipede! He was so fast the cows couldn't even get within five feet of him. In no time, the Elephants had twice as many points as the cows.
At the end of the game, the coach of the Elephants thanked the centipede for helping them win the Super Bowl. "But I just want to know, why didn't you come out until halftime?"
The centipede answered, "It took me that long to put my
You might be a redneck if you list your dog or cat as a dependent on your taxes.
You might be a redneck if you have never been on a main road.
You might be a redneck if you drive a minivan to the prom.
You might be a redneck if the most expensive jewelery you have came from Dollar General.
A man was taking a walk around town one day and he passed a sign saying 'Talking dog for sale $5'. He thought it was a scam, but he went to see what was up anyway.
When he got to the porch a dog came up to him. Deciding to be a smart aleck, he asked the dog if it could talk.
The dog said, "Yes, I can. I am the one mentioned in the sign. You can go inside and talk to my owner if you want to buy me."
The man asked, "How come you can talk?"
The dog answered, "I was a secret CIA experiment. They altered my genes and I used to be a covert agent. I led to many gang busts and stopped a lot of assassination attempts. Once they learned I told my owner about the cases, they kicked me out and now
Vegetable: "Hey, lets get married."
Fruit: "I'm sorry."
Vegetable: "We could secretly get married."
Fruit: "No, we couldn't."
Vegetable: "Why?"
Fruit: "Because we can't elope."
Can't elope = cantelope
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $50 between us."
The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers.... we had $100 when we broke in!"
What kind of sign does a prostitute hang on her door when she goes on vacation?
"GO SCREW YOURSELF!"
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