A man called the computer company because he was having trouble with his computer. A woman answered the phone. "Hello. May I help you? "Yes. I'm having trouble with my computer. Every time I press the enter key my computer goes biserk." "I think I know what you should do." "Really?" "Yes." "What should I do?" "You should stop pressing the enter key."

Everyone can be an Echo! 1] Repeat everything a person says & does in an exaggerated way 2] If your victim tries to get you to stop by saying something like, 'I'm a stupid furball,' say ' at least you have the courage to admit it!' 3]This is the most important instruction! DO NOT LET YOUR VICTIM NEAR A BOOK!

How many feet does a black rooster have? How many wings does a black rooster have? How many heads does a black rooster have? How many hairs are on the back of a white cat? Why is it that you know more about a black cock rather than a white pussy?

You might be a redneck if your baby stroller consists of a potato sack and a wheelbarrow.

Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone. P.S.

A Girl went up to her mother and asked, "Mum, is Amsterdam a swear word?" "No, why?" She asked. "Is Rotterdam a swear word?" she asked. "No, why?" her mother repeated. "Well, I heard little sister talking behind my back after I showed her my lollipop, and she said 'I hope that that lollipop rot her damn teeth!'"

A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you one thing . . . there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Knock-knock Who's there? Stew Stew who? Stew cold out here, let me in!

What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with? A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush!

How are opera singers and sailors alike? They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!

If you have more pets than relatives you just might be a redneck.

Q - Why is there a big "E" on top of the standard eye chart at the optometrist's office? A - The reason is if there was a big "O" on the chart women would lie about seeing it.