Popular Jokes
An old country boy pulls up to a bait shop with a stringer full of fish. A man, noticing the stringer, asks him where he caught all the fish. He said he was going fishing again, tomorrow, and if the guy wanted to come with him he'd show him where he caught the fish.
The next morning the two men meet at the bait shop and head out for the lake. They row out to the middle of the water and the good ole boy pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it in the water. All kinds of fish float to the surface and he starts pulling them in the boat.
His buddy is shocked! He says, "You know, what you're doing is not only improper but highly illegal. I just want you to know you could rece
Did you hear that in response to President Bill Clinton's habit of dropping in on the local McDonalds, the McDonald's national management has announced a commemorative double cheeseburger, the McClinton?
Of course, when you get it, the price has doubled, you never get the fries you were originally promised, and it's got half the meat.
A couple is at an Art exhibition, and they are looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback. The picture depicts 3 very black, very naked men, sitting on a park bench; 2 have a black penis, and the one in the middle has a pink penis.
As the couple is looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the artist walks by and says "Can I help you with this painting. I'm the artist who painted it."
The man says "Well, we like the painting but don't understand why you have 3 African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis, while the other two have black penises."
The artist says "Oh, you are misinterpreting the painting. They're not African men, they are Irish coal mi
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time.
What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school.
You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...
You
I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend.
I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, "Deepest Condolences," and sent the card to the funeral home that said, "I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it."
It's time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.
The following are this year's candidates:
1. Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental e
Say this out loud:
this is a cat
is is a cat
how is a cat
to is a cat
keep is a cat
a is a cat
dumbass is a cat
busy is a cat
for is a cat
forty is a cat
seconds is a cat
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now read only the first word of each line!!
THIS is a cat
IS is a cat
HOW is a cat
TO is a cat
KEEP is a cat
A is a cat
DUMBASS is a cat
BUSY is a cat
FOR is a cat
FORTY is a cat
SECONDS is a cat
1. Did you hear about the man who had a shower without getting his hair wet?
He was bald!
2. Did you hear about the boy who was named after his father?
His name was Dad!
Mr. Smith: "So, Mr. Jones, how's your son John?"
Mr. Jones: "He's at Harvard right now."
Mr. Smith: "Oh, really?! Well, congratulations! What's he studying?"
Mr. Jones: "Oh, he's not studying anything. They're studying him."
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