Popular Jokes
The man told his doctor that he just wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English... What's wrong with me?"
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're simply a lazy old fart."
"Thank you for your candor," said the man. "Now give me the medical term, so I have something to tell my wife!"
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn't for any religious constitutional reason.
They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.
There was, however, no problem finding enough asses to fill the stable.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time.
After introductions, the first golfer asked the second, "What's your handicap?"
"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.
"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with such a strong player.
"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!
The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own tattoo.
The woman cocked her ear, "Quick! My husband's coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!" she cried. The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door.
"What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked. "Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you." she replied with a knowing smile. "Great," he said, "I'll just nip into the bathroom and I'll be with you in two shakes."
Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom where he found a man clapping his
"Can I help you?" the madam asked
"I want Natalie," the elderly man replied.
"Sir, Natalie is our most expensive lady, perhaps someone else..."
"No," said the man, "I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $10,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her 100 hundred dollar bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, after which the man calmly left.
The next night he appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. The madam explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts. It was still $10,000 per visit. Again, the man took out the money and the two went up to
A communication technician drafted by the army was at a firing range. At the range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and 50 rounds. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his weapon, and then at the target. He looked at the weapon again, and then at the target again. He then put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Yo momma is ugly,
And she looks just like you.
A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.
She asks, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that, and what are you praying for?"The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home, have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."
The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and
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