What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper.

The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. "Well, we're a mighty crowded, since there's already someone in the spare room" replied the farmer. "But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher." "Look," said the tourist, "I want you to know I'm a gentleman." "Well," mused the farmer, "as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher."

Your mouth is so big you could swallow a whole banana... ...sideways

1. Did you hear about the man who had a shower without getting his hair wet? He was bald! 2. Did you hear about the boy who was named after his father? His name was Dad!

A wife asked her husband well you remarry if I die? Husband:(caught off guard) He said no, I already did.... CRAP!!!

Q: Why DIDN`T the skull cross the road? A: Because he didn`t have the guts!

Here's how a man evolves directly following marriage. The Love Word: After 6 weeks: I love you, I love you, I love you! After 6 months: Of course, I love you. After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why do you think I proposed? Back from Work: After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home After 6 months: BACK!! After 6 years: What did your mom cook for us today? Phone Ringing: After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone After 6 months: Here, for you After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE! Cooking: After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good! After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight? After 6 years: AGAIN! New Dress: After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like a

A man called the computer company because he was having trouble with his computer. A woman answered the phone. "Hello. May I help you? "Yes. I'm having trouble with my computer. Every time I press the enter key my computer goes biserk." "I think I know what you should do." "Really?" "Yes." "What should I do?" "You should stop pressing the enter key."

So I have this great knock knock joke for you! Knock Knock Who's there? Hello? Hello who? Hello? Hello who!!? Oh Hi? Hey, I have this great knock knock joke for you! Okay knock knock. Who's there? Hello? Who's there!!!!!!?? The door slams. Knock knock. Ding Dong. Fine. Hello? Hello? Hello!!!? *peacecylone*

What's missing? ch_ _ ch U R you are

Person #1: "Want to hear a joke?" Person #2: "Sure." Person #1: "Your face." ~ Your momma is so fat, she is overweight. ~ Two turds were hanging out. The first one was moaning and groaning. The second one asked, "What's wrong?" The first one replied, "I feel like crap."

You might be a redneck if your baby stroller consists of a potato sack and a wheelbarrow.