I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend. I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, "Deepest Condolences," and sent the card to the funeral home that said, "I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it."

What's a ghost's least favorite room in a house? -The living room

What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster? My zipper.

The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. "Well, we're a mighty crowded, since there's already someone in the spare room" replied the farmer. "But I guess you can stay if you don't mind sharing the bed with a red haired schoolteacher." "Look," said the tourist, "I want you to know I'm a gentleman." "Well," mused the farmer, "as far as I can tell, so is the red haired schoolteacher."

Your mouth is so big you could swallow a whole banana... ...sideways

1. Did you hear about the man who had a shower without getting his hair wet? He was bald! 2. Did you hear about the boy who was named after his father? His name was Dad!

A wife asked her husband well you remarry if I die? Husband:(caught off guard) He said no, I already did.... CRAP!!!

Q: Why DIDN`T the skull cross the road? A: Because he didn`t have the guts!

Here's how a man evolves directly following marriage. The Love Word: After 6 weeks: I love you, I love you, I love you! After 6 months: Of course, I love you. After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why do you think I proposed? Back from Work: After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home After 6 months: BACK!! After 6 years: What did your mom cook for us today? Phone Ringing: After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone After 6 months: Here, for you After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE! Cooking: After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good! After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight? After 6 years: AGAIN! New Dress: After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like a

A man called the computer company because he was having trouble with his computer. A woman answered the phone. "Hello. May I help you? "Yes. I'm having trouble with my computer. Every time I press the enter key my computer goes biserk." "I think I know what you should do." "Really?" "Yes." "What should I do?" "You should stop pressing the enter key."

So I have this great knock knock joke for you! Knock Knock Who's there? Hello? Hello who? Hello? Hello who!!? Oh Hi? Hey, I have this great knock knock joke for you! Okay knock knock. Who's there? Hello? Who's there!!!!!!?? The door slams. Knock knock. Ding Dong. Fine. Hello? Hello? Hello!!!? *peacecylone*

What's missing? ch_ _ ch U R you are