Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?" "Just a minute," said the busy clerk. "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll just take da bus."

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand and on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farther now if ya vant to." So Ole drove to Duluth.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Corduroy pillows are making headlines. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Banning the bra was a big flop. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. Without geometry, life is pointless. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. Alarms: What an octopus is.

A backward poet writes inverse.

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

"Why do you keep reading the Bible every day?" the teenage girl asked her grandfather. "Well, it's a bit like cramming for your final exam," said Granddad.

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. "A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. "We got married and I got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother, and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. "Much later, the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. "This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. "But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son. T

An American dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the Chinese hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. Then he comes to the American hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What d

This guy and a girl were in a golf cart and the guy drops his tees out of his pocket and the lady asks what is he doing? So, the guy says: I put my balls on them and I drive them.

A man is out playing golf one day when he whacks the ball harder then usual. It goes soaring in the air, and the golfer yells, "FORE!" He runs over to find his ball, and he sees a guy holding his head in pain. The man is shouting "I will sue you, and I will win 1 thousand dollars!" The golfer replies "But I yelled 'fore,' so you can't sue me." The man replies: "Four, thats better than just one! I'll take it!"

Makes one think, and puts things in perspective : Diet Snapple....16 oz $1.29........$10.32 per gallon Lipton Ice Tea..16 oz $1.19........$ 9.52 per gallon Gatorade........20 oz $1.59...... $10.17 per gallon Ocean Spray.....16 oz $1.25.......$10.00 per gallon Brake Fluid.....12 oz $3.15 ..... $33.60 per gallon Vick's Nyquil... 6 oz $8.35 .....$178.13 per gallon Pepto Bismol.....4 oz $3.85......$123.20 per gallon Whiteout........ 7 oz $1.39...... $25.42 per gallon Scope ........ 1.5 oz $0.99.......$84.48 per gallon and this is the REAL KICKER...... >Evian water 9 oz for $1.49...... $21.19 per gallon. $21.19 FOR WATER! ....and the buyers don't even know the source. Yes, and the n