One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information?" "To save lives," the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood

A wise man once said. I Don't know ask A Girl! A wise man Once Said. Life sucks and then we die.

A man was taking a walk around town one day and he passed a sign saying 'Talking dog for sale $5'. He thought it was a scam, but he went to see what was up anyway. When he got to the porch a dog came up to him. Deciding to be a smart aleck, he asked the dog if it could talk. The dog said, "Yes, I can. I am the one mentioned in the sign. You can go inside and talk to my owner if you want to buy me." The man asked, "How come you can talk?" The dog answered, "I was a secret CIA experiment. They altered my genes and I used to be a covert agent. I led to many gang busts and stopped a lot of assassination attempts. Once they learned I told my owner about the cases, they kicked me out and now

A woman walks in to the hospital to visit her husband. She talks to the doctor, and the doctor says,"I have bad news, and worse news." The woman starts to cry, asking for the bad news first. The doctor replies,"The bad news is that your husband only has 24 hours to live." The woman starts to cry even more, and now asks for the worse news. The Doctor now replies,"The worse news is that I have been trying to contact you since yesterday."

What are the first 4 words in the Mexican National Anthem? "Attention all K-Mart shoppers"

After every line I type, say out loud to yourself, Hairy Pickle There once was a guy named He lived in a town called Nobody did like So they hung him buy his

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I t

Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions." Texan: "OK, where are you from, Jackass?"

A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can handle," he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a nosedive and he was really catching a lot of heat from the board. At wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the board, the pr

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couple of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank., "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze." Matt replies, "And we weren't?"

1. Blow out a huge depressed fart and blame it on the person next to you out loud. 2. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. 3. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 4. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 5. Meow occasionally. 6. Show other passengers a rash on your genitals and ask if it looks infected. 7. Leave a box between the doors. 8. Sell Girl Scout cookies. 9. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask 'is that your beeper?' 10. Say 'I wonder what all these do' and push the red buttons.