Popular Jokes
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood
Knock-knock?
Who's there?
Estelle.
Estelle Who?
Estelle am waiting for you to open this door!
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.
ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.
APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.
BABY: 1. Dad, when he gets a cold. 2. Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.
BATHROOM: a room used by the entire family, believed by all (except Mom) to be self-cleaning.
BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.
BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.
CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.
CAR POOL: Complicat
A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him.
As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him.
The Pope then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over and whispered something in the sot's ear, and made his way on again.
This really angered the American. After speaking with the drunkard, the American agreed to pay $1000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Pope would speak to him the next day.
The next morning the American sto
I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend.
I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, "Deepest Condolences," and sent the card to the funeral home that said, "I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it."
1. Did you hear about the man who had a shower without getting his hair wet?
He was bald!
2. Did you hear about the boy who was named after his father?
His name was Dad!
A wife asked her husband well you remarry if I die?
Husband:(caught off guard) He said no, I already did....
CRAP!!!
Here's how a man evolves directly following marriage.
The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I love you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why do you think I proposed?
Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home
After 6 months: BACK!!
After 6 years: What did your mom cook for us today?
Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone
After 6 months: Here, for you
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE!
Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: AGAIN!
New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like a
Once there was a blond, a red head, and a brunette. They had to tell a joke in order not to go to hell.
So the red head goes first:
"What do you call a boy going to jail?
A Micheal Jackson lover."
(not that funny) So she goes to hell.
Then the burnette says:
"What's the difference between your mama and the blond's mama?
The blond's has a bigger chance on giving it up
and yours doesn't need any."
(not that funny either) So, she goes to hell as well.
Finally, the blond says:
"Knock-knock!
Who's there?
God
God who?
Godzilla!" (not that funny)
But, the blond gets in! Why?
Because, she used God and didn't notice it.
So I have this great knock knock joke for you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hello?
Hello who?
Hello?
Hello who!!?
Oh Hi?
Hey, I have this great knock knock joke for you!
Okay knock knock.
Who's there?
Hello?
Who's there!!!!!!??
The door slams.
Knock knock. Ding Dong.
Fine.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello!!!?
*peacecylone*
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