Popular Jokes
It was visitor's day at the lunatic asylum. All the inmates were standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria," and singing it beautifully. Oddly, each of them was holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with a pencil.
A visitor listened in wonderment to the performance and then approached the choir. "I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the best choirs I have ever heard."
"Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor.
"You should take them on tour," said the visitor. "What are they called?"
"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor. "They are the 'Moron Tapanapple Choir'."
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in.
The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, whereupon she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it. The an
How many cheerleaders does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They wouldn't, they might brake a nail!
Two women came before King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry my daughter!" said the other.
And so, they haggled before the king until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," he said, "and I shall cut the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half."
"Sounds good to me," said the first woman. But the other woman said, "Oh sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."
The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man shall marry the first woman's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to cut him in two!" exclaimed the king's court.
"Ind
THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK
1. I can see your point, but I still think you are full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is NEVER good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here, I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh....I see the screw-you fairy has visited us again.
11. I have plenty of talen
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin town and thought I'd say hello.
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood
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