Your mama so fat that when she goes swimming in the ocean all the whales start singing, "We are familly even though you fatter than me".

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly madam," he replied courteously. "Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary. "Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?" Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please," said Mary. "Certainly madam," he replied. "And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs please," Mary mused. Aft

What do you call happiness? Seeing your mother-in-law's photo on the back of a milk carton!

Q. Why do husbands die before their wives ? A. They want to

An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and is lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall. One of them says, "Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick." "How did you get it fixed?" "Well, I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right after her." Ben goes home to the farm and decides to try it. He grabs a cow, dips his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubs it all around the bull's nose. The bull gets a rip roaring boner and jumps on the cow immediately. Ben was impressed. That night, Ben gets into bed with his wife and can't get

What do you call a pig who knows karate? A Pork-Chop!

Q) How many jugglers does it take to change a lightbulb? A) One, but it takes 3 lightbulbs.

Q)what do you call a polar bear in the jungle? A)lost!

If you receive an e-mail entitled "Badtimes", delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. This one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto-dial to call only 900 numbers. IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING. It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING?? It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expe

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

Friends are like condoms, they protect you when things get hard.

There were three boys with names Shutup, Manners and Trouble. They were walking around town when they realized Trouble was missing. Shutup and Manners searched and searched but failed to find the missing boy. At a lost, they went up to the Neighbourhood Police Post. Manners had to go to the toilet so Shutup went up and spoke to the policeman there. Policeman=P Shutup=S P: Hi little boy, what's your name? S: Shutup P: What a rude boy! Where are your manners? S: At the toilet P: What are you talking about? Are you looking for trouble here? S: Yes