You have the right to remain silent. Exercise it.

A woman is having a problem with her closet door, it was falling off every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls off every time a bus passes by. "OK, I'm going to see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet. Just then, the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman. Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!" Repairman: "Well, you're not going to believe it, but I'm waiting for a bus!"

A college student at a recent college football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand this: "You grew up in a different world," the student said, loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ... and uh ....." Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the senior citizen said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young; so we invented them, you little twit! What are *you* doing for th

UNIX Airways Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on... Mac Airlines All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ev

An 80 year old man who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local country club. He went to the club for the first time to play, but was told there wasn't anybody he could play because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play. Finally, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80 year old said "I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps." And he did play well. Coming to the par four - 18th they were all even. The pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and 2-putt for a par. T

"Grade inflation," where assigned grades creep higher and higher, is a concern for teachers. What's the logical limit of grade inflation? F - Student appears to be a multicellular organism. D - Student has mastered many autonomic bodily functions. C - Student can operate a writing instrument without harming self or others. B - Student is able to form a complete sentence, on the second or third try. A - Student has marginal to excellent understanding of the course material.

It's pretty bad if you start typing "lol" as if it were a sentence (Lol.) Its worse if you start saying, "laugh out loud" in everday conversations. It's absolutely horrible if you actually say, "l-o-l."

You might be a redneck if you wear a tube top to a funeral!

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the Latin phrase, "Tuti Homini" - Blessed be Mankind. A women's rights group approached the Pope the next day. They noticed that the pope blessed all Mankind, but not Womankind. The next day, after His sermon, the Pope concluded by saying, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini" - Blessed be Mankind and Womankind. The next day, a gay-rights group approached the Pope. They said that they noticed that he blessed man kind and woman kind, and asked if he could also bless gay people. The Pope said, "Sure". The next day, the Pope concluded his sermon with, "Tuti Homini, et Tuti Femini, et Tuti Fruiti."

Jack was living in Arizona, during a heat wave, when the following took place. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack, as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money."

My computer is so old, it has a VHS slot instead of a CD/DVD slot!!!

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered. "Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah,"