Popular Jokes
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him be
Why is marriage so much like a tornado?
At first there is a lot of huffing and blowing, in the end someone loses their house.
Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator
1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) Meow occasionally.
6) Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) Say "Ding" at each floor.
8) Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a b
Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip one priest says, "Well, we've worked together for many years now, but we don't really know each other. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins to get better acquainted."
They look nervously at one another, but agree.
The first priest says, "Since it was my idea, I'll go first. With me, it's the drink. Once a year, I take off my collar and go out of town to a pub and drink myself senseless for a few days; get it out of my system."
They look at one another again, and eventually the next priest stands up. "Well, with me it's gambling. Every now and then, I nick some money from the poor box
US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman."
After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."
The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"
The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Google Products We'll Never See
11. Google Hitman Assistant - Find, schedule, and collect on all your assassinations with this suite of products.
10. Googlearchy - Tired of democracy? Install the government that everyone loves without annoying pop-up ads.
9. Google Smite - An extension of Google Earth uses laser beams attached to the satellites to exact revenge or just have some fun for paid subscribers.
8. Google Carnage - Use real-time satellite images to zoom in and see car, train, or plane crashes and other disasters.
7. Google Ogle - The hottest unsecured webcams on the Internet.
6. Googlebator - Used with Google Ogle, it's our first attempt at hardware.
5. Google Alibi - Paid se
California
⢠A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
⢠Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.
⢠Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
⢠A regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash.
⢠Arcadia: Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.
⢠A server in California can be convicted of selling to a minor if the purchaser uses a false or altered ID to buy the alcohol.
⢠Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a b
Why did the blonde dance in front of the traffic light?
Because she thought she was in a disco.
One day, during math class, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?"
"Seven," replied Johnny.
"No, Johnny. Listen carefully this time. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?" asked the teacher.
"Seven!" insisted Johnny.
"Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples, two apples and another two apples, how many would you have?" the teacher asked.
"Six," Johnny answered.
"Good, Johnny, that's right," said the teacher. "Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?"
"Seven!" Johnny said.
"Johnny, how on
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