An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material. Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares: "I define myself to be on the outside."

Why is marriage so much like a tornado? At first there is a lot of huffing and blowing, in the end someone loses their house.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour petrol on him and set him on fire, and he'll go "WOOF"!

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hackers a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the inbox with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of Java danced in their dreams. My wife on the sofa and me with a snack, We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac). When out in the Web there arose such a clatter, I jumped to the site to see what was the matter. To a new page my Mac flew like a flash, Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash! I gasped at the thought and started to grouse, Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse. When w

What do you give the person who has everything? A box to keep it all in.

Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip one priest says, "Well, we've worked together for many years now, but we don't really know each other. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins to get better acquainted." They look nervously at one another, but agree. The first priest says, "Since it was my idea, I'll go first. With me, it's the drink. Once a year, I take off my collar and go out of town to a pub and drink myself senseless for a few days; get it out of my system." They look at one another again, and eventually the next priest stands up. "Well, with me it's gambling. Every now and then, I nick some money from the poor box

An Englishman, a Frenchman and Angelina Jolie are sitting together in a train travelling through Switzerland when the train enters a tunnel, and everything goes dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, Angelina Jolie and the Englishman are sitting there as if nothing has happened, and the Frenchman is holding a slapped face. The Frenchman is thinking, "That Englishman must have kissed Angelina and she swung at him, missed, and slapped me." Angelina Jolie is thinking, "That French guy must have tried to kiss me, kissed the Englishman by mistake, and got slapped." The Englishman is thinking, "This is great. When we go through the n

Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Google Products We'll Never See 11. Google Hitman Assistant - Find, schedule, and collect on all your assassinations with this suite of products. 10. Googlearchy - Tired of democracy? Install the government that everyone loves without annoying pop-up ads. 9. Google Smite - An extension of Google Earth uses laser beams attached to the satellites to exact revenge or just have some fun for paid subscribers. 8. Google Carnage - Use real-time satellite images to zoom in and see car, train, or plane crashes and other disasters. 7. Google Ogle - The hottest unsecured webcams on the Internet. 6. Googlebator - Used with Google Ogle, it's our first attempt at hardware. 5. Google Alibi - Paid se

Woman's guide to sex: Lay there and pretend to enjoy the experience and when it is done tell your partner it was the best you ever had. Man's guide to sex" In, Out repeat if necessary!

Why did the blonde dance in front of the traffic light? Because she thought she was in a disco.

One day, during math class, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?" "Seven," replied Johnny. "No, Johnny. Listen carefully this time. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?" asked the teacher. "Seven!" insisted Johnny. "Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples, two apples and another two apples, how many would you have?" the teacher asked. "Six," Johnny answered. "Good, Johnny, that's right," said the teacher. "Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many would you have?" "Seven!" Johnny said. "Johnny, how on