The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the Church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. "Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life." "Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex." In unison they all replied, "You win!"

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong, honey?" She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

This guy and a girl were in a golf cart and the guy drops his tees out of his pocket and the lady asks what is he doing? So, the guy says: I put my balls on them and I drive them.

Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where's pop corn?

Knock Knock. Who's there? Dewey. Dewey Who? Dewey(Do we) have to listen to all this knocking?

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. "No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

Good Ev'nin America! I, George Dubya Bush, confess that I wrote the Shakespeare plays. First of all, I'm very intellentifull. I didn't mean to confusinate you, but I'm just that smart. Do not misunderestimate me because I can't prononunce n-n-n-uclar -you know what I mean. Shakespeare was in my axis of evil, so I wrote the plays. I mean, who would write plays like "A Homedy of Terrors, Nothing to Say about Something, The Naming of my Poo, Porklet, and A Late Winter's Ice Cream?" I must also give credit to my Secretary of State, Donald Rumpelstiltskin for playing an interceptun on my fumble.

You have more than three first names. You drove a monster truck to the prom. You are marrying your brother-in-law. You go out, get drunk, and come home with a tatoo of your momma's name. Your last name is your first name spelled backwards You are readiing these jokes!!!

TO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter. Thank you, Accounting Attached: Extended Job-Code List Code and Ex

It is the year 2032, and a father and his son walk the streets of lower Manhattan. Approaching the site where the WTC used to be in the end of the 20th century, the father sighs and comments, "To think that right here used to be the Twin Towers." The son, not understanding, asks his father "What were the Twin Towers?" The father smiles and looks at the son, and explains, "The Twin Towers were two huge buildings that used to be here until 2001, when the Arabs destroyed them." The son looks up to his father, and asks, "And what are the Arabs?"

Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bookie Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team. Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players. Abbott: I certainly do. Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names. Costello: You mean funny names? Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean... Costello: His brother Daffy. Abbott: Daffy Dean... Costello: And their French cousin.