Popular Jokes
In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth, and the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of deep. And the Devil said, 'It doesn't get any better than this.'
And so God created Man in His own image;
Male and female created He them.
And God looked upon Man and Woman
And saw that they were lean and fit
And God populated earth
with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach
and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds,
So MAN and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And so the Devil created Fast Food Giants.
And Fast Food Giants brought forth the 99p double cheeseburger.
And Devil said to Man, 'You want fries with that?'
And Man said, 'Super-size them.'
And
A boy was working on circumferences for homework when his mother came in and said, "Do you want some pie?" The boy replied, "Sure."
So the mother was saying "3.141592..." over and over and then said, "Want some ratio?"
Bernie has been ill for some months and then suddenly dies. As is the custom, his wife Sadie puts an advert in the 'deaths' section of the Chronicle, but this advert is slightly unusual â it states that Bernie died of gonorrhoea. Immediately, a close friend of Bernie rings Sadie to complain.
"Sadie," he says, "you know full well that Bernie died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea, so why did you word the advert incorrectly?"
"I looked after Bernie day and night for over 3 months," replies Sadie, "so of course I know he died of diarrhoea, but I thought it would be better for people to remember Bernie as a great lover rather than the big sh*t he was."
What do you call a chicken?
A chicken.
Q: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini?
A: None. It's full of elephants.
Q: Rabinovich, what is a fortune?
A: A fortune is to live in our Socialist motherland.
Q: And what's a misfortune?
A: A misfortune is to have such a fortune.
Why does a chicken cross the street?
Because it wants to get on the other side!
A man was in his front yard mowing the grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!
My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.'"
Your mom is so stupid, when the doctor told her she had to take a pregnancy test, she asked how long she had to study
3 men die in a car crash and are sent to the pearly gates. Having all lived good lives, they were all allowed in but they had certain restrictions. God told them that he would ask them a question. They should answer truthfully and depending on how they answer they will receive a home and a vehicle.
God asked the first man, "How many times have you cheated on your wife?"
The man said, "None. Never once."
God says, "Good. For being faithful you get a mansion and a stretch limo with a chaffeur."
Then God asks the second man how many times he's cheated.
The man says, "Only twice."
God says, "That is bad but at least you lived the rest of your life well. Have a 2 story house and a nice SUV."
Then
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