Popular Jokes
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
"You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?"
"I am 78," said the man.
"78!" remarked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60-year-old."
"Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside for a walk to settle down," the man explained.
"What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor.
"I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
The Reverend Paul Fuzz was the pastor of a small congregation in a little town. One day, as he was walking down Main Street, he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking. He felt this was very sinful and definitely not something a member of his congregation should do. He entered the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Thomson," the Reverend said sternly, "this is no place for a member of my congregation to be. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Okay," slurred the very drunk woman.
When Mrs. Thomson stood up, she began to weave back and forth. Realizing she had had far too much to drink, the Reverend grabbed her arms to steady her. Wh
It is important -
1. It is important to find a woman who is a good cook and housekeeper.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex regularly.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
One day, two children are bickering on the playground.
Kid 1: My mom says that kids who get whatever they want are spoiled and rotten and stuck-up.
Kid 2: Well, I'm not spoiled.
Kid 1: Yeah, you are, you get everything you want.
Kid 2: I don't get everything I want.
Kid 1: Yeah, you do.
Kid 2: No, I don't, because I "want" you to shut-up!
How Greeks Do Business
CON talks to his son George.
CON (father): "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
GEORGE (son): "I will choose my own bride!"
CON (father): "But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter.."
GEORGE (son): "Well, in that case... okay."
Next CON approaches Bill Gates.
CON (father): "I have a husband for your daughter.... "
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
CON (father): "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah! In that case... okay."
Finally, CON goes to see the president of the World Bank.
CON: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!
A blonde and her husband go to buy her new clothes. First, they decide she needs a new shirt, so they go through a few shirts but she rejects them all. Finally she points at one that she likes, but he thinks it is ugly, so he says no. They go through almost the whole store, and she says no to all of the shirts. Bored and annoyed, the husband finally goes up to the shirt she likes and generously "Fine, do you want this polo shirt?" The wife thinks for a few seconds and says "Oh, it's Apollo shirt? In that case no, I'm really not into mythology."
A blond finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how did he do in his exam; he replied, "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK!"
Remove seven letters from this grid to leave two numbers.
S F E V E
I N L V E
T E T F E
R O S U R
Simply remove 'SEVEN LETTERS' and you are left with FIVE and FOUR:
- F - - -
I - - V -
- E - F -
- O - U R
Early one morning, the milkman was doing his rounds. He stopped at a house to ask for his monthly fee, only to find a small boy at the door slurping from a beer bottle, smoking a Havana cigar, and with his arm around what appeared to be a call-girl. Surprised, the milkman asked the boy if his parents were home.
"Does it fucking look like it?"
In the morning elephants put springs on their feet and jump around the jungle.
Now the most fearsome sound to a monkey is "Boing Boing"
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