Popular Jokes
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him be
Relish today, ketchup tomorrow!
A hamburger walks into the bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
I wanted to be a mime, but I talked myself out of it.
Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.
A blonde and her brunette friend were talking. The blonde says, "I hate all the blonde jokes people say."
"Oh, they are only jokes. There are alot of stupid people out there. Here I'll prove it to you," replies her brunette friend.
So they went outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take me to 29 Nickle Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette.
The taxi drove them, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, "See, that guy was really stupid."
"No kidding," replies the blonde." There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."
The arithmetic teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten.
"Johnny," the teacher asked, "where is the decimal point now?"
"On the eraser!" came back the quick reply.
Teacher: Can you name four animals of the cat family?
Mary:Mother cat,Father cat,and two kittens.
How do the chinese get their names?
Their parents kick a can down the street...
ching chang chung bing....
...you prefer cheap rum instead of expensive wine.
...you think that the proper way to greet kings at events is: "Arrh, ye peacock, give me yer money or I ll burn yer tent!"
...you're planning to purchase a large cannon with the explanation: "Who knows? Maybe some day we go to camping."
...you get thrown out of meetings cause you know too much about "slithering throats, ARRH!".
...the people at work starts to talk about you as the guy who puts jolly rogers on everything.
...people stand WAAY back when your household starts to pull out rapiers, sabres, cutlasses and daggers.
...you get really angry when the person next to you at the bancuette, who claims to be a pirate, doesnt kno
A duck, a skunk, and a frog go to the movies. Tickets cost one dollar. Which animal doesn't get in?
The skunk!
The frog has a green back, the duck has a bill, but the skunk only has a scent.
Yo mamma is so stupid, that when the power went out, she said, "Don't worry, we'll just watch a tape."
A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."
This story takes place in a very specific year. Somewhere in the future.
A year after Bush leaves office.
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Part 1. A Space mission
Place: In a rocket in space.
Notes: names such as Junior and Senior are just rankings on the shuttle.
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Senior: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JUNIOR?
Junior: Getting a donut.
Senior: Yeah, but look at which donut it is.
Junior: Chocolate with colorful sprinkles.
Senior: YEAH! ONLY SENIOR RANKINGS GET SPRINKLES!
Junior: Yeah! Wadaya gonna do?
Senior: DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU!
Piolot: Guys, we have a problem.
Junior: What is it?
Senior: Shut up, Junior, let a sopisticated Senior do this. What is the problem?
Piolo
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