Popular Jokes
Google Products We'll Never See
11. Google Hitman Assistant - Find, schedule, and collect on all your assassinations with this suite of products.
10. Googlearchy - Tired of democracy? Install the government that everyone loves without annoying pop-up ads.
9. Google Smite - An extension of Google Earth uses laser beams attached to the satellites to exact revenge or just have some fun for paid subscribers.
8. Google Carnage - Use real-time satellite images to zoom in and see car, train, or plane crashes and other disasters.
7. Google Ogle - The hottest unsecured webcams on the Internet.
6. Googlebator - Used with Google Ogle, it's our first attempt at hardware.
5. Google Alibi - Paid se
Kid's Instructions on Life...
"Wear a hat when feeding seagulls." - Rocky, age 9
"Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning." - Stephanie, age 8
"Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower." - Lamar, age 10
"Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes." - Carrol, age 9
"Don't ever be too full for dessert." - Kelly, age 10
"Never spit when on a roller coaster." - Scott, age 11
"Never do pranks at a police station." - Sam, age 10
"Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving." - Rob, age 10
"Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do." - Hank, age 12
"Remember you're never too o
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Gates of Heaven.
St. Peter said,"I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What do you pick to be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks,"Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it," says
Harassment:
The teacher asked Paco to use "harassment" in a sentence.
Paco smiles and says......... "Orale vato (homeboy)...Mi ruca (my girl) caught me in
bed with my sancha (lover), pero ( but) that's okay porque (because) I told her
that... HAR ASS MENT nothing to me."
Larry Lobster and Sam Clam were best friends; they did everything together. The only difference between them was that Larry was the nicest lobster ever, and Sam, well,let's just say he was not so good.
Larry and Sam did so much together that they even died together, but while Larry went to heaven, Sam went to hell.
Larry was doing well in heaven, and one day St. Peter came up to him and said, "Larry, you know you are the nicest lobster we have ever had up here. Everyone likes you, but you seem to be a bit depressed. Tell me what is bothering you, maybe I can help."
Larry said, "Well, don't get me wrong, Pete, I like it up here and everything, but I really miss my good friend Sam Clam. We use
Yo momma is so fat when she got into the UPS truck they had to change the name to DOWNS
The policeman stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.
"I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia," she said.
The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well, OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
California
⢠A city ordinance states that a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
⢠Alhambra: You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.
⢠Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
⢠A regulation in San Francisco makes it unlawful to use used underwear to wipe off cars in a car wash.
⢠Arcadia: Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.
⢠A server in California can be convicted of selling to a minor if the purchaser uses a false or altered ID to buy the alcohol.
⢠Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a b
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was exhausted. The Lone Ranger got him some water and made him drink it, and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a bre
Home
