Popular Jokes
An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pill
Do you know why single women can't fart?
Because they don't get assholes untill they get married.
Student was searching for divine inspiration. Student walked high on the mountain of knowledge and came across God. Student asked God how to live life as a college kid should. And God said unto him, follow these Ten Commandments and you shall be all a college kid is. And Student thanked God and it was good. And Student spread the Ten Commandments of College to all.
I- Thou Shalt Nap
And God gave unto Student a great gift, the gift of napping. God said to him, You shall spend half your day napping. You shall nap in class, in your room and in your friend's room. And God said, if you don't nap, you will not be able to stay up all night drinking. And Student said, Nap I shall, and it was
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms, but when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.
Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let th
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." - Alan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." - Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." - Camille, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."- Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
"Married people usually look happy t
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour." Wendy, age 8.
"Mooshy...like puppy dogs...except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." Arnold, age 10.
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." Shem, age 8.
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." Andrew, age 6.
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." John, age 9.
REFLECTIONS ON THE NATURE OF LOVE
"Love is the most important thing in
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight?
A power failure.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don't work.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
What's the best way to force a man to do situps?
Put the remote control between his toes.
How do you get a man to stop bit
The teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account.
"The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," his mother said.
"Oh good," he replied, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"
During his sermon, the preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike. As he preached, he continued to move briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
At one point, he moved to one side and got caught up in the cord, nearly tripping before he jerked it again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the second pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth, especially the horse, to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.
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