Popular Jokes
Your mom is so stupid, when the doctor told her she had to take a pregnancy test, she asked how long she had to study
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"
"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, a
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None it should be open by the time she brings it to you.
Why are women's feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
How much does it cost to fix a woman's watch?
Nothing, theres a clock on the oven.
Your wife is at the front door yelling at you to open the door for her and your dog is at the back door barking his head off to be let in. Which one do you let in first?
The dog, he shuts up when you let him in the house.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist?
A woman who won't shut up and do what a man tells her.
Why did Michael Jackson cover his body in cheese spread?
Because kids will do anything for the taste of Dairylee.
One day, a blonde and a brunette were talking on the phone. Then the brunette says, " I have to go get a new mouse for the computer. My mouse isn't running good." Since the blonde hates mice. she goes over to her computer and opens it up, looking for a running mouse. She runs back to the phone and says, " But my computer works fine without a mouse"; but since she took so long looking for the mouse, her friend hung up and the phone battery was dying out so it sounded like a squeeky assuming and it was the mouse she searched her whole house finding not one mouse. Then she calls her brunette on the phone saying I can't find one mouse in my house what does it look like? After she finished
In the cafeteria of a Catholic school, the children were lined up for lunch. At the head of the line was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and she had placed it in front of the apples. The note read: "Take only one, God is watching."
Further down the cafeteria line was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies...
One of the boys had written a note of his own. The note he placed in front of the cookies read: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.
One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.
The mill
A man arrives at his laywer's funeral and and was very dismayed by the presence of this one person. He turns to the people around him. 'Why are you all at this man's funeral?' A man turns towards him and says, 'We're all clients.'
'And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching.'
'Huh? No, we came to make sure he was dead.'
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