"Hard drive" -- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer. "Keyboard" -- 1. Place to hang your truck keys. 2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em. "Window" -- Place in the truck to hang your guns. "Floppy" -- When you run out of Polygrip. "Modem" -- 1. How you got rid of your dandelions. 2. What you did to da hay fields last July. (from NetDummy Humor) "ROM" -- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola. "Byte" -- First word in a kiss-off phrase. "Reboot" -- What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff. "Network" -- Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line. "

How do spell mousetrap with only three letters? C-A-T

An elderly Italian Jewish man wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a 'goy' and changed my name from Levi to Spamoni and I am alive today because of it." "Self preservation is important and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the rabbi. "Rabbi, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic and they never found her." "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty." "It's worse, Rabbi. I was weak and allowed her to repay me for my efforts with her sexual favours

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop, my big brother Tom took me out on the stoop, then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow, and he told me there was something that I had to know. His look and his tone I will always remember, when he told me of the horrors of.... Black November. "Come around August, now listen to me, each day you'll get six meals instead of just three, and soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin, and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin. And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed, in will burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head, Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink, and scoop out all your insid

Why do snakes always lose in court? Answer: They don't have a leg to stand on!

You are a redneck if: You like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk.

One day, a little boy came up to a man at the park. The boy asked the man, "Why do you have a big nose?" The man answered, "Because...I have big fingers."

Two turds were sitting beside each other in a toilet, when one looks to the other and says, "man, you smell like shit".

HORSE RACE Line up: In lane 1. Passionate Lady In lane 2. Bare Belly In lane 3. Silk Panties In lane 4. Conscience In lane 5. Jockey Shorts In lane 6. Clean Sheets In lane 7. Thighs In lane 8. Big Dick In lane 9. Heavy Bosom In lane 10. Merry Cherry AND THEY'RE OFF!!! Conscience is left behind at the gate. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Dick is knocking on the door. AT THE HALFWAY MARK: It's Bare Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Dick is moving in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific

"Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "Can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not." "If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'"

Q: What's a Polar Bear's favorite cereal? A: Ice Krispies

The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting. It seems that in England, they had a men's club, Bachelors' Anonymous. It was highly successful in making men fear or even hate marriage. The club provided a unique way to treat the problem of bachelors wanting to marry. They send over a mother-in-law in nightgown, hair curlers, and a mud pack.