An elderly Italian Jewish man wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a 'goy' and changed my name from Levi to Spamoni and I am alive today because of it." "Self preservation is important and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the rabbi. "Rabbi, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic and they never found her." "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty." "It's worse, Rabbi. I was weak and allowed her to repay me for my efforts with her sexual favours

Yo Momma is so fat the other day she was late to work and her stomach was an hour early.

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop, my big brother Tom took me out on the stoop, then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow, and he told me there was something that I had to know. His look and his tone I will always remember, when he told me of the horrors of.... Black November. "Come around August, now listen to me, each day you'll get six meals instead of just three, and soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin, and you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin. And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed, in will burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head, Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink, and scoop out all your insid

Once upon a time, and unfortunate event took place, in which a ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere: A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman B. 2 French men and 1 French woman C. 2 German men and 1 German woman D. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman E. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman F. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman G. 2 American men and 1 American woman H 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman What a Crazy coincidence! One month later, on various parts of the island, the following was observed: A. One Italian man killed the

A wife asked her husband well you remarry if I die? Husband:(caught off guard) He said no, I already did.... CRAP!!!

You are a redneck if: You like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk.

One day, a little boy came up to a man at the park. The boy asked the man, "Why do you have a big nose?" The man answered, "Because...I have big fingers."

One day a little boy came over to his friends house and said, "Ah shit! I got gunk on my shoe!" As he was saying it, the friend's dad came over to the little boy and said, "How dare you say that in front of my child!" The dad sent the little boy home and called his father, telling him to come over to his house and talk to him. The father came over and said, "So what if my boy said that? it's not like your kids haven't overheard you say a curse word!" "Actually they haven't!" claimed the disgruntled father. As they argue, the disgruntled father's baby in the backround blurts out, "Fuck you!"

A boy asked his mother what the word "shit" meant. The mother didn't know what to say, so she said it meant "food". Then he asked what the word "nigger" meant. She still did not know what to say, so she said "priest". The last word he asked about was "fuck". She really did not know what to say so she said "to get dressed". When the priest came over, the boy said to the priest, "Hey, nigger, the shit is on the table and my mom and dad are fucking in the room".

Two turds were sitting beside each other in a toilet, when one looks to the other and says, "man, you smell like shit".

What was the blonde college student doing at the harbor? Looking for an internship.

A blonde and a brunette are walking along the sidewalk, and the brunette says she is dying of thirst and wants Dr. Pepper. The blonde runs across town into the nearest hospital and asks the receptionist for Dr. Pepper. The receptionist says OK, and hands her a bottle of soda. The blonde says, "What do you think this is? A Joke? My friend is dying and needs to see Dr. Pepper right away!!!"