Popular Jokes
The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)...
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
"Picabo, ICU".
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
In a toilet of an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
In a department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office: WILL THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEPLADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
In an office lunchroom: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
In health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
In a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
At a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DA
A couple of weeks ago the clouds over western Washington were moving to the west. Normally they head east, inland over the mountains to central Washington and beyond.
Scientists blamed the switch on mad cloud disease.
A small boy stunned his parents after Sunday School when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother asked the obvious question, "Where did you get all that money?"
"At church," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it."
TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.
INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.
PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, France for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.
AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise whe
An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales.
"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."
George W. Bush was invited to visit the Queen of England. The Queen gets her finest horses and buggy. When Bush gets off the plane, and onto the buggy, Bush and the Queen ingage in a conversation. In the middle of their conversation, one of the horse let out a really big, really smelly fart. The Queen quickly apoligizes and says "I'm sorry, theirs somethings not even a Queen can control." Bush replies "Ma'am, if you wouldn't have said anything, I would have thought it was the horse."
One day, three friends met at an inn after not seeig each other for a very long time. They chatted for an hour or so, and then the topic turned to their wives.
A: You know, something strange happened during my wife's delivery. She was reading a book called "The Two Brothers" before her delivery and she gave birth to 'two' children ! Isn't that strange?"
B: Yeah, but you want to know something stranger ? A similar thing happened to my wife, when she was pregnant ! She was reading the book "Amar, Akbar and Antony", and she gave birth to 'three children' !!!"
On hearing this, the third person C, took to his heels and started running. The other two were puzzled but they ran after C and caught
1st SLAP
"Our ship has just lost 82% of its power, our captain's head fused with plexiglass and we have an eleven minute window to escape certain death. Let's go to bed together."
2nd SLAP
"The evil bad guy, who has demonstrated Superman-like strength, has just killed two of our crew. Let's split up and walk aimlessly through the ship looking for him."
3rd SLAP
"I just found an unknown, odd, bizarrely pulsating alien object. I'm gonna open it up and stick my hand in it to see what happens."
4th SLAP
"We just picked you up from an abandoned moon in deep space and you can read my mind, which no other human being has ever been able to do. Neat. Let's go to bed."
5th SLAP
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