What does a dog do in your backyard that you don't want to step in? Dig a hole. If you step in the hole, you might twist your ankle!

I was traveling from Chesterton to Newcastle recently when I came across a sign which had fallen off its post at the crossroads. It was marked to Newcastle, Chesterton, Knutton and Silverdale. Unfortunately I didn't know which road to take to Newcastle and had hoped the sign would help. Luckily, I had a great idea which helped me put the sign back up pointing correctly to Newcastle. What was my idea? I simply pointed Chesterton back the way I had come and this left the sign in its correct orientation.

What do you call a chicken? A chicken.

Yo Momma so stupid when she heard the doorbell she opened the microwave and said "Hello???"

Henry: Oh my enemies makes me so mad I want to kill them! Phil: I can help you with that. Henry: How? Phil: First, go to the internet cafe. When you are already using the computer make a folder and name it "Your Enemies". After that, delete the folder. Go to the recycle bin and delete the folder again. It should say "Do you really want to delete "Your Enemies"?". Click yes. Now you don't have your enemies any more. They're deleted out of this world. There's no way you can get them back unless you create them. Henry: Oh! Now I can get rid of them; but what if I decide to create them again? How can I create them again? Phil: There's no way you can create them again, Henry. To create them,

How many ADHD kids does it take to change a lightbulb? It takes twenty se- hey, this is in the wrong category!

Q: How many giraffes will fit into a Mini? A: None. It's full of elephants.

The economy is so bad. . . if the bank returns your check marked ''Insufficient Funds,'' you call them and ask if they meant you or them. The economy is so bad. . . a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

And the beast shall come forth surrounded by a roiling cloud of vengeance. The house of the unbelievers shall be razed and they shall be scorched to the earth. Their tags shall blink until the end of days.

Dick Hurtz (Yeah, we heard ya.) Dick Assman (I wish that last name was superhero name.) Teola doing the Hula to Hawaii (The New Zealand girl who had that name got rid of it in court.) Rusty Kuntz (Ouch.) A. Fucks (Sorry forgot the first name.) (A Brazilian soccer player's name.)

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!" The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That i

(A teen approaches my cash register very slowly.) Me: "Can I help you?" Customer: "Gimme all the f***ing medicine!" (The teen pulls out an airsoft pistol with orange tip still glued to the front.) Me: "The pharmacy is in the back of the store." Customer: "Oh...okay." (He holsters the air-soft gun in his belt and darts down the aisles to the back of the store. My manager comes out of the back room because of the commotion.) Manager: "Who was that?" Me: "Some kid looking for drugs. He went back to the pharmacy." Manager: "Why didn't you call the police?" (The teen runs screaming from the back of the store out of the front door followed closely by the pharmacy technician, a 35 year ol