Knock-Knock! Who's there? Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder who? Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder...

JUDGE: "The court can produce a dozen witnesses who saw you rob the bank." ROBBER: "Big deal! I can bring in hundreds of people who didn't see it!"

A city slicker decided to buy himself a pig, so he drove to the country until he saw a sign that said "PIGS FOR SALE". Turning into the driveway, he spotted the farmer, told him what he wanted, and they agreed on a price. They went to the barn where the farmer picked up a pig by the tail with his teeth. "Yup, that there swine weighs 74 pounds." Noticing the man's bewilderment, the farmer explained that it was a family trait, passed on through generations, to be able to precisely weigh pigs in that manner. The city slicker, however, insisted on a second opinion. So the farmer called his son over and the boy came up with the same result. The man was ready to buy the pig on the spot, but t

An older man, Mr.Brown, in his hospital room knew that he was nearing his death, so he called in the three people that he trusted the most - his doctor, his pastor, and his lawyer. They were all waiting sadly outside of his room, when he called in his doctor. The doctor walked in slowly expecting to have to reassure the diagnosis. To his surprise, his patient handed him $30,000 in cash. Mr. Brown simply said, "When I die, put this in my coffin." The doctor walked walked out confused and told the pastor that Mr. Brown was ready for him. Now the pastor walked in expecting for Mr. Brown to confess every sin he ever committed in hopes of ending it right. To his surprise, the old man han

Why did the book have to go to the hospital? Because it injured its spine.

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

THE MAN'S POINTS SYSTEM For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects -sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system: SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed...+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows...0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...-1 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings...+5 But return with beer ...-5 You check out a suspicious noise at night

If to give a man a fish, he eats for a day, but if you teach a man to fish... He has to buy a license, poles, bait, and sit on his behind for four hours.

Yo mama's so funky, they closed the beaches for a week after she drained her bath water.

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. "Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go huntin'?'" "And then what happened?" the officer interrupted. "From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"

One day there is a well-educated man sitting in a redneck bar reading a book. A Redneck happens to wander over to him and asks, "Whatcha there reading Mister?" The educated man replies, "It's a book about logic". Confused, the redneck replies "Logic? What's logic?" The educated man explains to the man, "Logic is the ability to come to a conclusion knowing only one fact. For example, do you own a weed whacker?" The Redneck shouts, "Hell yeah I own a weed whacker!" So the educated man continues, "Well, if you have a weed whacker, and I know you have a weed whacker, I know you have a lawn. If I know you have a lawn I know you have a house. If you have a house, demographically speaking I ca

A man said to his golfing friend, "I hit two of my best balls yesterday!" "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, I stepped on a rake in the bunker."