Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.

A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died." "Well then, just give me my money back." "I can't do that. I went and spent it already." "OK then, just unload the donkey." "What ya gonna do with em." "I'm gonna raffle him off." "Ya can't raffle off a dead donkey!" "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anyone he's dead." A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with the dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 apiece and made a profit of

Then there was the model who sat on a broken bottle and cut a good figure.

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

This is off a Coast Guard bumper sticker: Support Search and Rescue: GET LOST!

Knock-knock Who's there? Joe Joe who? Jo mama

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Mary led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher. Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events." "Very good, Sally," said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a

Little Johnny was on a plane when the stranger in the next seat said, "Let's talk. Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" The stranger said, "How about nuclear power?" Johnny said, "That could be interesting. But first, I have a question. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same thing, grass. Yet a deer excretes pellets, while a cow excretes a flat patty, and a horse excretes clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" The stranger said, "I have no idea." Johnny said, "Well, then, why do you feel qualifi

- Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you. - No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy. - Friendly fire ain't. - The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map. - The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already had it mined. - The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at. - Incoming fire has the right of way. - If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush. - If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap. - The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. - Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out

Knock Knock! Who's there? Yo da lay he. Yo da lay he who? I didn't know you could yodel!

A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"

Once there was a girl who wanted larger breasts, so one day she went to see her doctor, Dr. Smith. Dr. Smith told her to rub her breasts and repeat the following: "SCOOBIE,DOOBIE,LOOBIE, I WANT BIGGER BOOBIES". One day she was running late, and decided to do her exercises on the bus when a guy came up to her and asked if she was a patient of Dr. Smith's, to which she replied: "Yes, how did you know?". He replied "HICKORY DICKORY DOC!"