President Bush looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approaching him. "What is it now?" sighs the president. "It's this abortion bill," replies the aide. "What do you want to do about it?" "Go ahead and pay it," says the president.

Where did they sign the Declaration of Independence? At the bottom.

The following event actually happened to a famous basketball coach. "When I first got a job as La Salle University's basketball coach, the phone rang and my wife told me it was Sports Illustrated. I cut myself shaving and fell down the steps in my rush to get the phone. When I got there, a voice on the other end said, 'For just 75 cents an issue...'"

Q: Why did the blond quit his restroom attendant job? A: He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer!

Knock knock. Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Justin town and thought I'd say hello.

How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to turn it the other to grade the person.

Two carrots are walking down the street one day when a car suddenly comes flying around the corner and runs one of them over. At the hospital, the doctor says to the other carrot, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is your friend is going to live. The bad news is he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

What does Hannibal Lecter call Britney Spears? Dinner at Hooters.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tracks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood

Knock-Knock! Who's there? Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder who? Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder, Broken tape recorder...

JUDGE: "The court can produce a dozen witnesses who saw you rob the bank." ROBBER: "Big deal! I can bring in hundreds of people who didn't see it!"