Popular Jokes
A gladiator was having a rough day at the arena-his opponent had sliced off both of his arms. Nevertheless, he fought on, kicking and biting as furiously as he could. But when his opponent lopped off both feet, the gladiator had no choice but to give up. He was now both unarmed and defeated.
These are some real people's names, and what they grew up to be. They are all true:
1.) Iccolo Miccolo played the piccolo for the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra.
2.) H.M. Balmer was a funeral director in Fort Collins, Colorado.
3.) Miss Birdie Snyder married C. Canary and became Birdie Canary.
4.) Perhaps it was best to ignore the orders of Dr. Besick, a doctor in Chicago, Illinois.
5.) The Clipper brothers worked as barbers in Bakersfield, California.
6.) Mr. Thrift of Keepit, Australia, won the $30,000 first prize in a lottery.
7.) D. Sharp was a radio tenor.
8.) Dr. H.A. Toothacre worked as dentist for the Burlington, Iowa, Independent School District.
9.) B.F. Parsons was a
SHOTGUN RULES:
Ever have the problem of catching a ride with someone whose car doesn't have much of a back seat? At times like these, it is important to know the rules of calling shotgun. Never again will you let someone take advantage of you because you don't know the rules.
Section I - General Rules
1) The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front seat.
2) The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner by being the first to call "back right seat", etc..
3) The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least one witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has the final word. After all, it is most likely his car. (note:
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.
"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go huntin'?'"
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.
"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"
Save the trees - wipe your arse with an owl.
"My point-and-click interface is an Uzi submachine gun."
Saint Michael - patron saint of underpants
I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.
I'm completely sane, according to the voices in my head.
My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud.
Skiing is for people who can't just break their legs around the house.
Penguins mate for life. That doesn't surprise me much cos they all look alike.
Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever!
If I were a recovering s*x addict, I'd opt for group therapy.
"I hope I never do anything to bring shame on myself, my family or my other family."
"Secre
Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
After a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.
Knock-Knock.
Who's there?
Accordion.
Accordion who?
Accordion to the t.v., it's going to be cold out.
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