How is it we look in a dictionary to figure out how to spell something if we don't know how to spell it?

"Grade inflation," where assigned grades creep higher and higher, is a concern for teachers. What's the logical limit of grade inflation? F - Student appears to be a multicellular organism. D - Student has mastered many autonomic bodily functions. C - Student can operate a writing instrument without harming self or others. B - Student is able to form a complete sentence, on the second or third try. A - Student has marginal to excellent understanding of the course material.

Yo momma's so fat, when she walks she creates hurricanes.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What's the shortcut for Undo? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I create a New Document window? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document? A: Don't shake it.

What do you call a mouth without any teeth?- Grandma

Found on Roadside Dead Fucked Over Re-built Dodge

Knock-Knock? Who's There? Ice Cream. Ice Cream who? I scream for Ice Cream!!

"AIM TOWARDS THE ENEMY." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher "WHEN THE PIN IS PULLED, MR. GRENADE IS NOT OUR FRIEND." -US Marine Corps "CLUSTER BOMBING FROM B-52s IS VERY, VERY ACCURATE. THE BOMBS ARE GUARANTEED TO ALWAYS HIT THE GROUND." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop. "IF THE ENEMY IS IN RANGE, SO ARE YOU." -Infantry Journal "A SLIPPING GEAR COULD LET YOUR M203 GRENADE LAUNCHER FIRE WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU QUITE UNPOPULAR IN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR UNIT." -Army's magazine of preventative maintenance "IT IS GENERALLY INADVISABLE TO EJECT DIRECTLY OVER THE AREA YOU JUST BOMBED." -US. Air Force manual "TRY TO LOOK UNIMPORTANT; THE ENEMY MAY BE LOW ON AMMO." -Infantry Jo

Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.

It was the interval at the Opera when Mrs. Sternberg rose from her seat and called: "Is there a doctor in the house? Is there a doctor in the house?!" A man in a tuxedo pushed his way towards her. "I'm a doctor" he said. "Oh, doctor," she said, "Have I got just the loveliest daughter for you...."

I'm so old, I woke up the other morning and thought I had an erection. I was really happy until I realized it was just a leg cramp!

Godzilla, King Kong, and a smart blonde are all on the Empire State Building. Who jumps first? None. Because none of them exist!