Two eggs were in a pan of boiling water. One egg says, "Phew, it's hot in here!" The other egg replies, "Wait till we get out of here, they smash your head in!"

Godzilla, King Kong, and a smart blonde are all on the Empire State Building. Who jumps first? None. Because none of them exist!

There were three blondes stranded on an island. They were left with one bottle of water, so the decided to have thirds of the bottle. The next day, the bottle is lying empty next to one blonde, and the other two blondes say, "Why'd you drink all the water?" and the blonde says, "But my third was at the bottom."

Little Johnny's mother took him to a supermarket to buy some food. "Anything you break comes out of your allowance money!" shouted Johnny's mother. Johnny turned around and said "But you don't give me any allowance money!" "Yes, and now you know why."

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep." "I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot." A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!" "I don't understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pill

Yo mamma smells so bad, when she went into the enchanted forest, all the skunks commited suicide!

What do you call two Chinese queers? Two can chew!

Yo mamma's so poor, she can't afford to go on welfare. Yo mamma's so poor, she got thrown out of a homeless shelter. Yo mamma's so poor, she tried to use food stamps on a gumball machine. Yo mamma's so poor, a burgler broke into her house and left her some money.

Professionals built the Titanic. An amateur built the ark.

You momma so stupid, when I asked her,"Why she was yelling into an envelope."She said "She was trying to send voice mail."

When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms, but when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions. When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting. Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand. Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction. A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil. Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let th

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." - Alan, age 10 "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." - Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? "Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." - Camille, age 10 "No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."- Freddie, age 6 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? "Married people usually look happy t