Did they mean these ads to read as they do? Man, honest. Will take anything. Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of

You momma so stupid, when I asked her,"Why she was yelling into an envelope."She said "She was trying to send voice mail."

Deep Salvage Pick Reminiscent of the deep sea exploration to find the Titanic ship, you probe deep into your nasal passages. Utensil Pick When fingers, and even your thumb, just aren't enough to get the job done to your satisfaction. Extra Pick When you have been digging for nuggets hours upon hours and suddenly you hit the jackpot! Excitement only equalled by winning the lottery. Depression Pick When you're sad, and the only way to fill the void is to pick so hard and fast that the agony overcomes your feeling of remorse and depression. Pick A Lot What we would call abnormal amounts of picking. Anything in the three digit realm we consider a bit too much for a 24 hour time frame. Kiddi

Yo momma is so fat when she got into the UPS truck they had to change the name to DOWNS

Yo momma's so fat that her roller blades went flat.

Joe: What are you doing? John: Taxes. Joe: Why? John: Because I have to...... Joe: That's stupid. I did mine over a year ago.

How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day? She has her tampon behind her ear and she cant find her pencil!

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule (jackass to the knowing) in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor. Now, the preacher knew the mayor, and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and f

During his sermon, the preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike. As he preached, he continued to move briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. At one point, he moved to one side and got caught up in the cord, nearly tripping before he jerked it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the second pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks. He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk. The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn't notice a train coming down the tracks. As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned his head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated. The moral of the story — don't lose your head over a piece of tail!

Your phone's network is changing plan. The uglier you are the cheaper your calls. From now on all your calls will be free.

What part of music is the part you'd better not try to sing? Refrain!