Clones are people two.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said "Is that the local swimming baths?" He said, "It depends where you're calling from."

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

What does the dentist of the year get? ..A little plaque.

Frank was getting ready to go on a trip to New York for the first time, and was talking to his friend Bill. Bill: "While you are in New York, there is a bar that you have to go to. When you walk through the front door, you are handed a free drink. Then you can go to the back room and get laid. Come back up to the bar, and you get another free drink. Then you can get laid again. It goes on like this all night." Frank: "That sounds unbelievable. Have you really been there?" Bill: "No, but my sister has."

I learned French in six easy liasons.

Seems Paris Hilton is having visits from a speech therapist - she's having trouble finishing a sentence!

All members of Mensa have I.Q.s of at least 140. At one Mensa convention, several members at a local cafe noticed the shaker with an S on top, for salt, contained pepper and their pepper shaker, with a P on top, was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling anything and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, here was the marvellous Mensa mystery! They presented ideas, debated them, and finally came up with what they felt was a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the blonde waitress over to dazzle her with their solution. "Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains s

Your phone's network is changing plan. The uglier you are the cheaper your calls. From now on all your calls will be free.

... you have an above-ground pool and you fish in it.

The teacher asks his students to spell the word "before". The first kid tries: "B-E-F-O-H-R." "No", says the teacher, "that's wrong!" Another kid: "B-E-E-F-O-R." "No, no," says the teacher. "Anybody else?" A little boy raises his hand: "B-E-F-O-R-E!" "Now, that's right!" beams the teacher. "Now, Washington, use this word 'before' in a sentence!" and the boy goes: "Two plus two BE FOUR!"

A blonde girl comes into her dad's room and tells her dad... Amanda: Dad, I'm glad you named me Amanda. Dad: Why? Amanda: It's because that's what everyone calls me!