Popular Jokes
Mrs. Colter was explaining that there were rules for voting in the United States.
"You have to be at least eighteen, you have to be a citizen, and-"
John blurts out, "And you can't vote for democrats!"*
* All credit for this goes to John Rieger, who wouldn't shut up during sixth period.
An 80 year old man who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local country club. He went to the club for the first time to play, but was told there wasn't anybody he could play because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play. Finally, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80 year old said "I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps." And he did play well. Coming to the par four - 18th they were all even. The pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and 2-putt for a par. T
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.
The car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."
Q: Where do nudists go fishing?
A: Moon River.
Q: What do you call a singing hot dog in New York, New York?
A: Frank Sinatra.
Q: What do you call a really smart cow?
A: Grade A beef.
Q: What song do they play at plumbers' funerals?
A: Taps.
Q: Where do you take a sick potato?
A: To a M.A.S.H. unit.
One day, a blond and her male co-worker are sitting in the lunch room, and the guy says, "I can't take anymore today, I am going home!" The blond replies, "You can't just get up and leave. You'll be fired!". "Not to worry, I am going to be sent home. I have an idea." the guy says and leaves the room.
The blond finishes her lunch and heads back into work, to see her co-worker hanging upside down from the ceiling, yelling over and over, "I'm a lightbulb!". The owner hears this and comes down. He takes one look at the guy, hanging upside down, yelling he is a lightbulb, and sends him home for the rest of the day, with pay, so he can rest, because he has obviously been working to hard.
The
You're so covered in dirt that if you wanted to eat a tootsie roll, you'd have to wear white gloves to keep from biting your finger!
One day, a blonde decided to build a brick wall, so she went to a home depot.
While a worker was walking down an aisle, he saw the blonde walking around in circles looking confused, so he went over and asked her what she wanted to make. She answered that she wanted to make a brick wall.
Then the worker asked her what size; after thinking thoroughly she answered, "And they say blondes are stupid; how am I supposed to know? There is no fence to measure."
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