If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M

What's the difference between pokemon and pokewomon? poke balls

You know you're a redneck when you go to a family reunion to find a girlfriend.

How to break up a dating couple: Knock-knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I dumped your girlfriend last night?

BOB- We were learning about fractions today in math class. JOE- Oh, really? What did you learn? BOB- One half of what I was supposed to!

Q. How many ADD kids does it take to change a light bulb? A. Hey, let's go ride bikes!

Four football fans go rock climbing one afternoon: a Patriots fan, a Falcons fan, an Eagles fan, and a Steelers fan. They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who among them was the most "die-hard" fan. Upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Patriots fan proclaimed to the other three... "This is for the New England Patriots!" and promptly threw himself off the mountain as a form of sacrifice. Not to be outdone by a Patriots fan, the Falcons fan jumped up and said... "This is for the Atlanta Falcons!" and then threw himself off the mountain, again as a form of sacrifice. Refusing to be outdone by the Patriots and Falcons fans, the Steelers fan rose to his feet and yel

A man said to his golfing friend, "I hit two of my best balls yesterday!" "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, I stepped on a rake in the bunker."

What are the first 4 words in the Mexican National Anthem? "Attention all K-Mart shoppers"

Did you know in 1923, the following men were considered some of the world's most successful men . . . at least they found the secret of making money. Whereas, in 1987, more than 60 yrs. later, do you know what became of these men? The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper. The president of the largest gas company, Howard Hopson, went insane. The president of the New York Stock Exchange, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad insolvent. The president of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself and the greatest bear on Wall Street, Casabee Rivermore, died by suicide. The sam

Teacher: Recite your tables to me, Joan. Joan: Dining table, kitchen table, bedside table...

Save the trees - wipe your arse with an owl. "My point-and-click interface is an Uzi submachine gun." Saint Michael - patron saint of underpants I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared. I'm completely sane, according to the voices in my head. My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. Skiing is for people who can't just break their legs around the house. Penguins mate for life. That doesn't surprise me much cos they all look alike. Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever! If I were a recovering s*x addict, I'd opt for group therapy. "I hope I never do anything to bring shame on myself, my family or my other family." "Secre