Popular Jokes
Two children were in a doctor's waiting room.
The little girl was softly sobbing.
"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test."
1. Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
2. Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.
3. Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
4. Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
5. Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
6. Hit strangers with your flutter board.
7. Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you.
8. Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
9. Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
10. Swim near a stranger and say, ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had water
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he asks.
"I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he is dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.
''You bastard," says the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack an
Dick brings a friend to play golf with two of his buddies to complete a foursome. His buddies ask him if his friend can play golf. Dick says that he is very good.
This guy hits the ball on the first hole in the bush, so his buddies look at him and say, "You said your friend was a good golfer." Dick says "Yes, he is watch him play." They see the ball come out of the bush on the green. This guy takes two putts to make par.
Second hole is par 3. This guy hits the ball into the lake. The two buddies looks at Dick again and say "You said this guy was good" Dick replies that this guy was a great player.
So the guy walks into the the lake. Three minutes later they can't see the guy. All of a
A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said "Stay here and be VERY QUIET. I'll be across the field." A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son asking "What's wrong? I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said "Should we eat them here or take them with us?" I panicked...
Children certainly brighten up a home. Who ever saw a child under 12 turn off an electric light?
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Yo da lay he.
Yo da lay he who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
2. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
3. Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!
4. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
5. Hand me that...uh...that uh...that thingy there.
6. Oh no! Where's my Rolex?
7. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?
8. There go the lights again?
9. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. And this guy's got two of 'em."
10. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
11. Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing off my concentration.
12. What's this doing here?
13. I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.
14. That's cool
A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"
A small boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepp
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