Popular Jokes
A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink.
He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"
But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son."
The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
A man and a women are making love for the first time. "Cor what a small organ!" the women sniggered
"It may be small, darling" replied the man "but it's never played in a Cathedral before!"
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for three shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks, "What happened?"
The guy replies, "I just found out my younger brother is gay." He finish's his shots and leaves.
The next day he comes back and orders five shots and the bartender asks, " What happened this time?"
The man replies, "I just found out my older brother is gay and I always looked up to him." The man finish's his shots and leaves.
The next day he comes back and orders twelve shots. The bartender says, "Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man replies, " Yea, my mom."
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you -- and if you die first, you come back and tell me -- if there is baseball in heaven."
They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers the spirit
1. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all.
2. Yelling at me for barking...I AM DOG!!
3. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat spit?!!
4. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. EXACTLY whose walk is this anyway?
5. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose..........stop it.
6. Yelling at me for rubbing my bum on your carpet. Why'd you buy the carpet?
7. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that firm handshake thing yet.
8. How you act disgusted when I lick myself
Let's get off moms, 'cause I just got off yours.
Let's get off moms, 'cause she can't handle those five men on her now.
I ain't got nuthin' bad to say 'bout Yo mama, 'cause her face says it all!
I'm sorry, I shouldn't talk about Yo mama, 'cause I don't even know the man.
Hey keep my mom out of this and I'll keep this out of Yo mama!
If I wanted any lip from you I'd jiggle my zipper.
If I wanted a comeback, I'd just wipe it off Yo mama's chin.
Hey, if I wanted a comeback, I'd wipe off your chin.
Nice comeback muthafucka, you can scrape that off Yo chin and use it again!
Hey I don't have a mom, me and my dad just use yours!
Hey, I got nothing to say about Yo Mama 'cause she's
Blonde jokes started when a brunette and a red head had to much time on their hands, because a blond was out with their boyfriends.
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