The Flood is over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says, "Go forth and multiply." A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah. "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?" "Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, so we need logs to multiply."

One day a man having conversation with God, when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there was only one set of footprints. He asked God, "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life?" God replied, "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you. You see only one set of footprints because, during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you."

The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a tribe in Borneo. The missionary asked the chief, "Do you people know anything about religion?" After a pause, the chief answered, "We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here."

Now here's a classic joke that's been told by many kids, that should be very well known . . . anyway, after you read this, it's funny to try it on someone After every statement, say, "Behind the rock" 1. Billy went 2. He took off his shoes 3. He took off his socks 4. He took off his shirt 5. He took off his pants 6. He took off his undies 7. He made out with someone 8. Where were you?

whats hitlers least favourite planet ? - jewpiter

The teacher asks: "Fritzchen, why are you always speaking of our Soviet brothers? It's 'Soviet friends'." Fritz responds: "Well, you can pick your friends."

"The fact that the GDR considers itself as one of the 5 technologically most advanced power of the nations may be be given to the fact that there are only 5 fingers on a hand. " University lecture in Hungary in the 70s

Q: How do you get two whales in a Mini? A: Along the M4 and across the Severn Bridge.

The town of Chelm decided to build a new synagogue. So, some strong, able-bodied men were sent to a mountaintop to gather heavy stones for the foundation. The men put the stones on their shoulders and trudged down the mountain to the town below. When they arrived, the town constable yelled, "Foolish men! You should have rolled the stones down the mountain!" The men agreed this was an excellent idea. So they turned around, and with the stones still on their shoulders, trudged back up the mountain, and rolled the stones back down again.

A Pokemon Trainer walks into a STD help center. The nurse there says "Sorry, but it looks like you've caught 'em all"

What did the farmer say when his truck disappeared? Where's my truck?

Yo momma is so fat that when she rolled offa the bed, she rolled off BOTH sides. Yo momma is so fat that when she jumped for joy, she got stuck. Yo momma's teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter. Yo momma's so fat that when she wears a red shirt all the kids go "koolaid! koolaid!" Yo momma's so fat that when I swerved to miss her, I ran outta gas. Yo momma's so fat that when I tried to drive around her, I had to stop and ask for directions. Yo momma has so many chins that she keeps a bookmark in her mouth so she can remember where to stuff the food. yo mama is so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch xD Yo moma's like a baby she sucks everything in sight Yo