Popular Jokes
A young child walks into a corner store and picks up a big box of laundry detergent.
The storekeep trying to be friendly says, "Got a lot of laundry to do?"
The boy says, "Haha no. I'm actually going to go wash my dog with it."
The storekeep says, "Son, that stuff is very powerful. If you use it to wash your dog the dog might become sick or even die!"
The boy replies, "Don't worry, he'll be fine."
And the boy leaves. The next day the boy returns to buy some candy.
The storekeep asks the boy about his dog and how the washing went.
The boy replies sadly, "He died..."
The storekeep says as gently as he can, "I'm sorry son. But I warned you this might happen if you wash the dog with detergent."
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!" Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said, "What happened to 'beautiful?'"
His reply was, "The drugs are wearing off!"
Dick brings a friend to play golf with two of his buddies to complete a foursome. His buddies ask him if his friend can play golf. Dick says that he is very good.
This guy hits the ball on the first hole in the bush, so his buddies look at him and say, "You said your friend was a good golfer." Dick says "Yes, he is watch him play." They see the ball come out of the bush on the green. This guy takes two putts to make par.
Second hole is par 3. This guy hits the ball into the lake. The two buddies looks at Dick again and say "You said this guy was good" Dick replies that this guy was a great player.
So the guy walks into the the lake. Three minutes later they can't see the guy. All of a
A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"
Why did President George W. Bush go into a gorilla's nest in the jungle?
To be with his family!
How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one - but he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.
Two men were running for the same seat in their state senate. The two men had just finished meeting for lunch in a restaurant.
Said the first man "I'm going to win the election because I put in a personal touch. For example, I left the waiter a ten dollar tip so that he would vote for me."
"That's nothing," replies the second man to the first, "I left the waiter a 5 cent tip, and told him that I was your campaign manager."
A little girl and her father decided to go to church, because her father wanted to introduce her to the Christian World. As they sat down, a collection plate begins to be passed around. As the plate came to the girl's father, he searches his pockets for money. Then his daughter whispers in his ear, "Don't worry Daddy, I'm already free and covered.... I'm under 5."
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